All right, I read crappy free-on-amazon sff ebooks, mostly for laughs. Free-on-amazon in sff usually means shifter romance, so I have become inured to a certain level of terrible euphemism. However --
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terrible euphemisms in context
However, in one book I have encountered both "he wanted to beat his fleshen tool into her maiden sex" and "hard pole of seeking invasion" in just the first two chapters, and
I survived quiverfull vampires and that one author who took THREE SELF-CONGRATULATORY BOOKS to get to his inciting incident, but I might not make it through this one.
and between that and an extra high level of free-on-amazon basic-level grammar torture (as in, we're not talking intentional distortions to make a point or for art, but failures of the building blocks of elemental, bare, sentence structure), I'm not sure I'll make it through this one.