Esme Povirk @madewokherd@computerfairi.es

I feel like public mastodon polls are going to start to be exploited at some point and then we won't be able to use them.

@actuallyautistic So I'm trying to come to terms with this. I think because I'm above water, I can work and take care of myself without regularly needing extra help (or rather, without needing extra help that I can't pay for), I don't feel like I deserve to say that. But I don't know how else to reconcile the fact that I can't afford to do things like protest or lobby or plant pollenizers. So I have to be able to say, I can't do those things because I have a disability, right?

Why is it so much easier for me to say

"I barely have the time and energy to work a part-time job and take care of myself. I don't understand how people can do things like work a full-time job and take care of a home and a car and kids. It all seems completely impossible to me."

than

"I have a disability."

@actuallyautistic

We've been bad at visualization for as long as we can remember, but we seem to finally be making progress. Being able to summon bright colors and simple shapes internally is such a joyous experience.

*upgrades Firefox, discovers new feature, immediately googles to find out how to disable new feature*

I've been doing this thing lately where a topic comes up and I will feel that I know something about it and articulate an opinion. It's weird and I'm not sure I like it.

I wonder, if I'd understood that earlier and approached it from the angle of "I'm really not much different from everyone else, just more aware of the specifics of the parts that I, like everyone else, have, and that's important enough to me that I want to share it," would I have been met with less stigma?

If you pay attention, it's very common to acknowledge, directly, that our minds have parts. But when you start giving those parts names and letting other people know they exist, it's suddenly assumed that you are dangerous, even if only to yourself.

Maybe I dissociate a bit more than most people, but the thing that really makes me different is just self-knowledge and authenticity.

Having to constantly remind myself today that my despondency is the result of sleep deprivation and it's OK to take it easy.