currently on cybre.space @maunzikation@computerfairi.es

I'm super glad that all parts of the class, lecture and exercise thingy, are recorded, but… I don't even watch the lecture part because that's so loong and I can't focus on it and going there would be possible and better buut it's so early in the morning and noooo.

Basically, this is the best version of uni stuff that I can imagine for me, but I still can't do it :s

Also, uni thoughts…

I'm super glad that I don't have to hand in homework, the exercise sheets are not mandatory, I'm like 3 behind and I would never be able to do them in time, but also… I'm 3 behind how am I ever going to catch up

I'm super glad that attendance isn't mandatory, because going to class is super stressful, but also… I haven't been there in forever and I don't watch the recordings because they're made in a group that's taught by a terribly annoying person

(I'm always proud and happy when I (begin to) understand a thing with numbers or maths, but usually, I don't.)

Maybe I should finally give up on uni, and join the #pcode people (right now I don't because I'm afraid that would distract me from uni stuff) and have fun with things that don't involve any things that I'm super bad at

(I couldn't focus on the site aimed at kids that explained how to do it, and have no concept of numbers or recursion whatsoever)
(but it works)
(then I looked up solutions and this time i _could_ focus and welp, what i saw might have embarrassed me)

good news I think I found one of the least sensible ways to find the greatest common divisor

ah probably because it was never clear to me whether the people who used this word considered it a good or a bad thing

in retrospect i think it was about 60/40 in favour of pure excitement, and I'm not going to judge tbh *is super excited whenever some more or less exaggerated "we live in an actual cyberpunk dystopia" piece appears*

I keep reading "post privacy" not as "the privacy/visibility of the things you post" but as "privacy is a thing of the past" and have to think of 2011 twitter for some reason

tfw you stop feeling terrible, but you know that your reasoning for feeling terrible totally holds up and you actually have a few things in your life that you might want to solve, but you still have no idea how, and so you start to ignore it all again~

but that doesn't even matter because, i'm super stuck and i've been super stuck for years and I don't know how to get unstuck, so it really doesn't matter what i actually can and can't do, because, i don't know how to even try anything

look I think my therapist really messed up my sense of what I can and can't do even more? Always "yeah you think you can't do that, but I think you can" and never like… actually being allowed to find out and maybe end up saying no, i can't do that… as if humans didn't have real actual limitations or idk