i can't remember the last time i felt a hug. i can't remember the last time someone reached out to me without having to say that i want to kill myself. please dont take this personally: you don't care about me, that's not your job, and i just need to learn to live without friends

even when i say i want to kill myself these days nobody reaches out anymore. i've cried wolf too many times. one day it'll just be one of those things that "i didn't think he could really do it" "people who actually do it never talk about it anyway"

fuck you.

every time i try to reach out to any mutual i'm meet with cold shoulders because they have more important and interesting friends to talk to. i'm a burden, people avoid me. please, don't fucking ever tell me all i need to do is reach out. you're not really listening

i don't need to be harassed by kiwifarms to want to kill myself but god i wish they'd give me a good reason to

i'm not a part of any communities. i tried to start my own because no communities want me around because i'm apparently too problematic and make literally every single person on the planet uncomfortable, but nobody else wants to be part of those communities either

i keep hearing about all these circles and friend groups adjacent to my mutuals in hushed tones. obviously no matter how much i beg for friends in not invited. my entire life i've just been an online curio people note only when it's convenient to them

it must be nice to have friends and support groups. i sincerely and honestly cannot in good conscience say i know what that feels like