telling people it's ok to ask for attention is only kind when you actually offer attention when they ask you instead of ignoring them
ok maybe i'm not good at asking for attention, much less directly to people, because i've literally been called *an abuser* for simply asking for attention, so i have a lot of fucking trauma
here it is, me, asking for attention. i'm literally crying. i'm not doing well tonight.
this is not a rare occurrence for me to post on this website and i honestly wish more of my followers showed some care about it
actually i need to point out that instead of my followers caring about it what very often happens every time i'm in this state is that i *lose* followers (good riddance) so, like
please, never ever post again that it's ok to ask for attention if you don't actually mean it
i need to talk about something really dark too, which i've already lashed out about here before
every time i see the public outporing of care for someone who's committed suicide, even if they didn't know them? that's one of my biggest reasons to feel suicidal.
i know it's shitty, selfish and you're already reaching out for that unfollow and block button. i don't know what to do with this either. i wish i wasn't this way but i'm so fucked up i consider suicide as an alternative to get anyone to care about me because i'm no good living