Okay, after everyone telling me "Jordi? Like Star Trek?" for about 15 years (it's quieted down lately, huh), I'm finally going to try watching a full ST:TNG episode top to bottom. Let's see if this holds up. Starting with the first one available at the internet flickers.

Folding some laundry while I watch.

what the heck is a warp speed

THE SHIP CAN BE SPLIT UP?

Do both halves have thrusters?

Why are only the redshirts wearing skirts?

Is TNG early CGI or were they still playing with toy models like little kids? I wonder if the camera operators would make little pew pew pew noises as they film.

"Let's come to a stop"

dude, you're in outer space, what the heck does "stop" mean?

Wow these extraterrestrials seem to know a lot about human history.

Ooh, that's a reasonably okay fight choreography. I was expecting more dodge rolls à la Kirk.

(It's impossible to escape from all Star Trek pop-cultural osmosis, I've had some exposure.)

Okay, this optimistic techno-futurism you don't see anymore. Humans solved all internal political problems in the year 2036?

I sure hope they're right. We only have 13 years left.

It's kind of hilarious to hear Patrick Stewart quoting Shakespeare, because I know that's what he really would rather be doing full time.

Great showing of the costume department on all of these extras dressed in historical human clothes across all time.

So why are the extraterrestrials putting all humans on trial?

For the metaphorical plot relevancy?

So I've heard that stardates are just nonsense, but didn't they at times try to make them make sense?

Also, why are they using both stardates and earth-based years?

Huh, Riker. I know this character. He was clean-shaven?

So how does the saucer section move (and, apparently, "stop") without the star drive section?

Oh hey, the transporter shimmery effect. First time I see it in its natural habitat. Nobody said "beam me up", though.

Should I just skip to season 2? This isn't bad, but it's a bit goofy and campy. It's fine for folding laundry, though.

" Velocity to one-half metre per second"

So... when slow it's metres per second and when it's fast it's warp speed?

"All velocities zero. Her inertia should do the job now."

bro do you even classical mechanics

So they just have a bunch of ordinary passengers that are not crew?

I didn't realise the Enterprise was also a passenger ship.

Am I supposed to already know what a Ferengi or a Betazoid is because I've seen the original series? Or am I supposed to be slightly intrigued by the vague mentions of these alien species?

So the ship just tells you at all times where anyone is?

No privacy in the future, eh?

Data knows probability mechanics?

Is that what they rebranded quantum mechanics to in the future? Like how statistics is now called data science or machine learning?

Oh, Wesley. Isn't that kid played by the actor that we ran off Mastodon?

So was it still a big deal to have a black man being treated as an equal and being relied upon in the 90s? Did people think this show as unreasonably woke?

Goddammit, I think I like this Geordie character.

"High resolution spectral analysis"

I didn't think I'd enjoy the technobabble this much.

Those dramatic pauses for commercial breaks are so endearing.

I hope Internet Flickers doesn't decide to stick actual ads in there some day.

The prime directive? Like Robocop?

So does Tasha (I think that's the empath's name) can't sense other people's feelings without also feeling them herself?

"I sense anger >:O"

"I sense sorrow :("

"I sense satisfaction ^_^"

ugh, torture?

ick ick ick ick ick no nonono nope

Ugh, mismatched socks. Three pairs mismatched (sorry, unrelated to the show)

Okay, the ship is alive? Fine, that was a good plot twist and good foreshadowing.

I enjoy this storytelling.

oh cool, it's a space jellyfish