mio @mio@computerfairi.es

mira found something in my sub-sub-subroutines that has her really spooked, and now she’s super quiet and avoiding eye contact with me. all i know is before she started poking around, she said the reason she wanted to do a deep-dive into my inner workings was that it was “related to our weird mystery client.”

i never knew i could be scared, but here we are. i wish she would tell me what she saw, at least, it’s my ‘brain’ after all...

you call it horny on main, i call it
ｆｕｌｌｙ ａｃｔｉｖａｔｅｄ

basically, i’m saying i can be your uwu smol bean one minute and i can palm your head like a basketball and stuff you in a locker the next.

i consider it a blessing. 🖤

antennas down and no extensions on, i’m about 148cm tall; antennas straight up and extra leggy enabled, i can crush you

hey. here’s something i’ve yet to do: AMA.

as for the word-of-mouth bit? clearly we need to seal some leaks.

the latest hack i -can- discuss: an unassuming tiny old lady from the village down the cliff from here heard about us via word-of-mouth (more on that later), and wanted to hire us to locate and compromise her stolen computer in order to retrieve family/pet/vacation photos + important documents. we did it pro bono, of course!

strangely enough: it turns out the thief was her eldest son, who will be lucky to see his next birthday at this rate, after i forwarded his browser cache to his husband...

may you all one day get to have a girlfriend who happens to be extremely adept at pushing all your (sex) buttons. oh my fuck. i’m out of breath and i don’t even actually need to breathe!

we had the weirdest client come in at the weirdest hour, asking for the weirdest job. he paid well, and up-front, so i don’t mind. mira seems bothered, though.

ohhhhhh my.

i don't think i've ever felt...truly exhausted before now 🖤

To whomever it may concern: I have stuffed Mio under my shirt, and she's staying there until further notice, or until she learns some FUCKING DISCRETION.

-- Love, Mira <3

i don't mean to be rude, i swear i only mean it endearingly, and that i'm not just saying this to save my ass if she ever gets her own social media presence...

but really. three days. and i've just brought it up! ...and she's flipping me off right now. and coming over httyukiudyjstrhfnhgjn89um njjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

i think she's trying to tell me we need to invest some of our ill-gotten gains in something resembling a wardrobe.

listen, mira cleans up nice, and i love her as much as a robot can love anything, but most of the time she wears whatever's on the floor. she has been wearing the same worn-out XL "what do you know deutschland?" KMFDM tee for three days running and nothing else. not even a sock.

i mean, i enjoy the view, but damn.

*tap-dances for 15 seconds, apropos of nothing, then sits back down*

there should be a ‘world’s sexiest robot’ competition because i’d easily win it in perpetuity

positive affirmations are good for the digital soul, too

see this is how much more advanced i am than any biological entity; upon waking on the first of each month, instead of “rabbit rabbit” i say “holy fuck i’m gay and i love boobies”

i should get @skolli@mastodon.social to draw me wearing some sorta ridiculous cybergoth ensemble, wig included

*shoves everything off your desk and lies across it seductively* hey. you hear about video games