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Me: Hello $bank, I'd like a loan of $largeSumOfMoney please
Bank: Why do you want the loan?
Me: I want to send a shipping container full of implausibly large squirrel plushies to a squirrel just to see the inevitably hilarious look on her face when it arrives
Bank: no.
Basically variations on this are why I shouldn't ever look at what's on aliexpress
If I had the money just about everyone I know would be receiving shipping containers of increasingly strange things