🥭 @void@computerfairi.es

hes also technically catholic but exclusively marian, and has never been to church. thats just like cult stuff though which is a bit more normal in context

it makes for some really weird interactions when he moved in with the rest of his group

he had minimal formal education and everything else was just what he was curious enough to look up on the internet and what was important enough to him to make an effort to remember

ethan also has large gaps in his knowledge that dont totally make sense. he can tell you all the bones in the body with only a couple stutters but doesn't know what physical therapy is or why casts exist. he can tell you all known facts about five separate species of penguins but was pretty sure giraffes and a whole bunch of animals were fictional until he was in his 30s. he can give you a pretty good run down of how to make yourself untraceable online but has never encountered a power strip

im also projecting onto my ocs because ive been completely fucking incoherent recently for no given reason which makes it super easy to write wraith and ethan, because their respective speeches are cluttered and fucky

*projects onto my ocs*

the specific nature of that trauma is exaggerated for effect, i guess, but it's hashtag real world happenings on my end

ethans story is a lot about how hes trans largely in part due to like. trauma he experienced due to being dfab, and how he can work through that trauma over time without it negating his transness, if that makes sense.

im resisting the urge to apologize to anyone who has ever met me in person and also anyone who has ever seen my posts online because i am a deeply embarrassing person to witness

the problem with lucrecia is that the way she is written is so aggressively steeped in misogyny from the writers that i have a hard time telling who she is as a character behind that. which i guess just gives me license to do whatever i want, huh

anyway this is just me trying to rationalize how i managed to latch onto the most heterosexual nonsense in the whole fucking game

i really should finish dirge because atm i have no idea if she reciprocated at all or if this was totally one sided and couldn't really pick it up anything i could trust from just reading the script

the other half is that he had extreme trauma happen to him directly following and directly because of his crush on her and so he latched onto the affection he felt as the last positive emotion he experienced for like. 3 decades. if he'd had a normal life after niebleheim he probably would have gotten over her like a normal person

i think vincent is bi with a preference for men, and part of the reason why he really leaned into infatuation with lucrecia was because she was the first woman he'd been into in a while and he had a whole comphet style"oh thank fuck i can be normal" complex about it.

obviously thats how fucking death works but like. fuck.

my great aunt just died today and i didnt know she was sick and im feeling weird for being crushed about it because we weren't that close but she was family and. and now im never going to be able to get to see her and i didn't know that much about her and she was one of the last memebrs of my grandmother's generation and now she's just. gone.

screams

@MUCK :)

anyway im also still crying over haven dying. because like, all of what he wanted was for wraith to love him and witch to protect himmmmmmmmmmmmmoh my god. okay i know what wraith's damage is going to be in safety net

i just gotta work out the specifics. i can do this.