man. i miss roleplaying my sith inquisitor.
i'm gonna talk y'all's ears off about him now, pull up a chair
honestly what was always fun with him is the contrasts. other sith - big, scary, evil, constantly menacing.
akates? says he is 5 feet tall, is lying. maybe 110 soaking wet, on a good day, after a large meal. soft-spoken. very polite. will smile and genuinely ask you how your day is going and offer you a cup of tea. infuriatingly light-side. horrifically gentle.
in a land of booming tyrants, here he comes like somebody's abuela to pat you on the arm, give you a cup of tea and a cupcake.
is he talented? well, somewhat. enough. he likes to do scholarly work, but he's not the most fantastic translator or so on.
no, his real talent - the one i consider his greatest strength - is middle management.
a sith lord who's a good middle manager. nope, not fantastic bladework, not arcane secrets, not harnessing the power of darkness. none of that. he's at his desk with a cup of tea balancing the budget and working out schedules and doing it *fantastically*.
i always played that as something where other sith thought him kind of expendable, but secretly, the rest of the empire LOVED him. the 'little people' of common soldiers were over the moon about him. because if lord akates was coming to your command post, your life was going to *improve*. and it would improve considerably.
a common grunt may not care about sith secrets. but they sure as fuck care about the mess hall having good food (and now taco tuesday too!!!!!!!!)
that was his strength. he was born in slavery and spent a most of his life as a scullery boy, being slowly groomed to fill that head chef position. and the chaos of cooking a dinner party for 35 on half a day's notice is not, in lord akates's mind, that much different from "sir, republic ships coming into our sector". keep organized, keep a cool head, communicate, be ready to improvise with what you have, and you'll get through.
and a cup of tea helps whenever you can grab it.
i feel like my little sith inquisitor's defining moment was something i didn't get to ever really bring up in rp and that i really need to write up as a proper mini story eventually.
it's just... kinda perfect. when i thought about it, i got so excited. it was the final puzzle piece for this version of achates (because first there was achates the blood elf warlock, etc etc... it's a weird thing i do sometimes of taking the same core and building up the character in new setting but anyway)
yeah this storytime is continuing sorry.
anyway. defining moment of his backstory. so akates is a full-fledged sith in the aftermath of his master's death (which he had nothing to do with, fortunately). new kid on the block. young. tiny. not particularly good at fighting. just wants to study books. easy prey.
especially for one of his master's previous apprentices, who always thought akates was too much of a teacher's favourite and is still real sore about it.
there are, of course, rules and regulations - sith are technically forbidden from killing other sith, but it ends up more like "we know you're going to do it anyway but PLEASE be DISCREET" a lot of the time.
so the rival sends his own apprentice to try and knock akates off, thinking it'll be easy beginner work, and he'll be able to take that proverbial real estate on the block.
typical sithly day-to-day. mondays, am i right?
so the rival sith continues going on and is somewhat surprised when akates ends up at his office doorstep, more or less, alive and unaccompanied by his apprentice.
akates is very full of polite apologies and flattery. he is just so sorry for this inconvenience, and he understands rival's position completely; he really wants nothing more than to be left to his translations, and he will not stand in rival's way, he *assures* everyone. and he brought a dinner as a gesture of this goodwill.
of course the rival thinks it's a trap, and so he makes his staff sample the dishes. nope, nothing's poison. but the trooper who was hesitant totally drops all abandon about it. he starts DIGGING THE FUCK IN, which makes rival quite angry. it's HIS meal! subordinate doesn't get to eat all his side dishes! sheesh!
but it's good enough for the rival to taste. and it's true. the food isn't just good - it's *excellent*.
not terribly fancy, but cooked with care and skill. all of the meat, in various cuts, are slathered with this wonderful barbecue sauce.
akates, in his flattery, says this is why their shared master really only gave him more attention, so rival shouldn't take it personally.
by now rival has loosened up enough to laugh at this. and the rival says - you know, you're right. you don't need to die. i can keep you around as my cook when i rise to power.
and akates smiles.
akates says, that would be very agreeable. he just hopes rival enjoys all of his meal.
(rival very much has.)
there's one last dish. a final course.
he keeps it covered but the guards still say that it needs to be scanned for poison. the rival rolls his eyes a little but doesn't demand anything more once the scans come back clean.
and akates smiles, and sets the silver platter down in front of his rival, and pulls off the cover.
tw as you all probably know where this is going.
there, beautifully presented, is the head of the rival's apprentice that he sent to kill akates.
everyone is quiet.
akates smiles and cheerfully says that he hopes the barbecue sauce recipe was good enough to offset any stringiness. and he is sure rival won't mind this. after all, attacking each other outright is forbidden. akates just sought to do rival a favor by taking care of such a foolhardy apprentice.
and then turn her into dinner!
the tale spreads.
everybody looks at the tiny little sith inquisitor and comes to the conclusion that behind the cupcakes and the books is actually someone not to be fucked with lightly. far better to go after somebody who straightforwardly tells you what you're up against, than somebody who has shown he's willing to fight dirty.
unpredictable prey is bad prey. so everyone moves on from eyeing akates's throat.
and akates?
well.
he remains, as he always has been,
a steadfast vegan.
but feel free to take a cupcake while he finishes reviewing vendor agreements for this outpost's supply of dry goods for the mess hall.
so akates bows, and cheerfully tells his rival that he will leave them all to finish their meal, and thank you very kindly for the consideration.
some of the guards still retch a little at the smell of barbecue sauce.
the tale gets out, of course. akates was in the right to kill the apprentice, and he also didn't partake of any of the food - so technically, in sith laws, he didn't commit any actionable crime.
but.