@Dayglochainsaw a quick thought, from someone who is non-kin and also had trouble with this:
i realized that i didn't need to understand perfectly in order to respect it.
it might confuse me, baffle me, and make my brain BSOD. but they understand it, and it is very important to them. it is an essential part of them.
i can be befuddled, but i remember the love i have for my kin friends, and the compassion i try to extend to others, and go "i don't understand and that's ok."
it's freeing.
@Dayglochainsaw no single entity on this earth - human, goldfish, what fucking ever - is going to be able to perfectly understand *everything*. i'm never going to know what it's like for a bat to process the world via echolocation - i literally ain't got the neurons for it.
it is terrifying to admit that we can be measured and found wanting. but *everything* is found wanting in one aspect or another.
extend the compassion around to yourself and just go, "i don't get it, and that's ok."
@Dayglochainsaw it is a very efficient way to hurt the other person by making them feel like you view an essential element they value highly in themselves as bullshit, and make them entrench deeper into what you may genuinely be worried is behavior reinforcing mental illness.
it is also not kind to yourself, to treat relating to other humans this way.
@Dayglochainsaw express concerns compassionately, and in ways that are useful. you will probably find that you can help in ways you didn't know about, or that you might have more concrete knowledge about. or you might find reassurance that quiets your worries.
take compassion, reflect it out, turn it in towards yourself, too.
it's ok to just not understand. it's not ok to be an asshole about it.
right, that's my sermon for tonight lmfao
@Dayglochainsaw if you're worried about a particular person exhibiting some behavior, and if that behavior is detrimental to their mental health, think about if it is truly useful or kind to go "you really think you're a kitten or whatever?! that's so stupid!", and similar attitudes, such as "hate me all you want! it's good! i WANTED you to hate me! it's GOOD that people are hating me over some TRIVIAL BULLSHIT THAT DOESN'T MATTER!"
is that useful?
is that kind?
to them? to you?