@Frinkeldoodle please feel absolutely free to tell my cishet ass to take a fuckin hike on this one, but

i know i fight my own "oh god people are staring at me and i look ridiculous" by going, on some level, "they're going to stare anyway so i may as well put on a show". in my case, i'm fat enough that I'm Gonna Get Stared At, and Someone is going to hate me for it. so i could wear sweatpants and a hoodie and hide, or...>

@Frinkeldoodle ...wear what i want to, no matter how 'silly' it is.

the art of learning how to not give a fuck is a delicate one, and i know that as a cishet woman i am operating on much much smaller stakes so this might be a "gee thanks for nothing, asshole" level of advice, but it also helps to check myself by checking my OWN memory.

like... did i really notice someone in public for being badly dressed? last week?>

@Frinkeldoodle last year? or more? how much time do i actually think that about other people? when i do, are my thoughts neutral? are they negative? positive? why were they those things?

i honestly rarely think negatively about strangers in terms of their fashion/etc. i most often go "wow, that's neat!" positively. i just don't use more brain space, yknow? and other people aren't giving me tons more brain space, too.

@Frinkeldoodle the other thing that's oddly helped is watching some makeup tutorials (lol) but, if this makes any sense... not people who know what they're doing and are experts. but people playing with makeup. like trying out new and wacky products, or doing stupid challenges like "i made my own eyeshadow and wore it all day" or whatever. like if they wore cheeto bronzer for the day, and nobody got on their case too bad>

@Frinkeldoodle as they were grabbing groceries, maybe i'll be okay if i realize "oh no i put on too much blush", yknow?

it's also very materialistic, but sometimes it's also nice to look at them as playthings, almost. a dress, a wig, a face of makeup - these things are temporary measures. you can take them off and wash your face. so it's ok if you don't know how to make things perfectly perfect. just have fun.

@Frinkeldoodle and for me it helps to find stuff i'm genuinely excited to use. like a necklace that's a tiny enamel octopus - fuck yeah, that's awesome! or the makeup that has some gimmick or twist that makes it fun to use, like "this foundation brush has purple bristles" or "this ph-tint lipstick changes color when you put it on". you can see what it feels like to maybe just get dolled up at home and have fun doing so.

@Frinkeldoodle if you look at it as "well, let me get some stuff to play around with at home.", maybe that will take some mental pressure off. you aren't going to be out where people can see, you aren't going to be judged by any prying eyes. you can just see what you like to use or dislike in more of a low-key environment. and i know when i do that, i almost always stumble upon a rewarding moment of "DAMN i look GOOD".

@Frinkeldoodle wow i've just totally given you a fucking deluge of words sorry.

honestly what may also help is if you can find a place where people are talking about, say, a specific fashion you like, but *kindly*, genuinely so. i know it's strange to say but sometimes filtering people building each other up in excitement about fashion and physical appearance gets your brain to accept it's applicable to you, too.

@Frinkeldoodle wow that last bit was kind of a disaster of english. pour good brain thinks through head. let brain filter-feed on good genuine compliments. brain is coral now. you probably get the idea lol.