Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

"drink the blood of the straights" my friend, as token cishet i am willing to be flipped upside-down and punctured like a horseshoe crab, but i'm not sure y'all *want* this. i am 15 chronic illnesses in the vague shape of a person, i don't think a nice tall glass of this toxic sludge is healthy for *any*body. can i make you a nice nesquick and bailey's instead

@may hallo this morning federated timeline neighbor, please have the strongest good vibes i have in my arsenal: capybara hot tub

most of the time i see people cw for 'bird site crosspost' my brain instead goes straight to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTsRnSPBoao

6:30 is a truly awful time of morning to be up

@BotEquippedWith or as they're also often called, makeup removing wipes.

just heard the tail end of a pharmaceutical commercial with the company "inviting you to help explore cost support options" that they offer

that about sums it up

more importantly, though, here is my #dog https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_85Tsjk-SEM #mydog #dogsofmastodon

here's the last half-decent selfie i took, and i'm afraid i'm far too lazy to actually rotate it so sorry you'll have to turn your head

yes this is an attempt to be sociable, but as always, if i get any chubby chaser nonsense or disgusting commentary in response to this: 🔪 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪. thank

@godwouldhateme@mastodon.social we didn't choose the dad joke life; the dad joke life chose us

case in point, i just made little candy bags for the two groups delivering furniture shortly, with cards. wrapped in patterned gift paper. with ribbon bows.

...mostly coffee-with-milk hard candy, but i did put a couple of reese's pb cups in there, and a candy cane. also some samples of fancy hand cream. i mean l'occitaine chucks those things everywhere and it'd probably be really nice after a day of hauling shit back and forth

every so often i am possessed by the spirit of my intensely WASPy ancestors and i am moved to do irrational things that may make little sense to outsiders of the bible belt mayonnaise people

my left pointer finger is STILL twitching

mg seems to have helped the level of twitch significantly tho