Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

extra spicy moon

i am just saying if any of these octo troopers come at me with literature and a personality test to take, THEY WILL CATCH THESE TEMPLAR HANDS

or... squidlar? i... i don't... listen, okay, i just want to say "illuminaughty" at some point and that's like the sum total of my secret world jokes, along with that one Bees? card from cards against humanity, that's it, i don't got anything else folks

AND NOW.... TIME FOR A NICHE JOKE

#splatoon2 : it's time for our next level in hero mode!! the stage coming up iiiss THE PARKING GARAGE!!!!

me, an astute bee-swallower: OH HELL NO. I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME I WENT IN A GARAGE.

apparently tonight on the fediverse timeline we're group shaming someone for enjoying fondant

which is completely valid. carry on doing god's work, everyone.

@kaniini tho it used to be a much bigger thing as a like 1960's tourist trap lol - one of the groups still doing 'mermaid shows' is actually at a site that used to be a roadside attraction, and now is a nature preserve, so the mermaids are state employees and they get to put on much the same show that has been there for decades :D https://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/2068 it's hard work for sure - basically underwater theater - but the tails actually help somewhat these days!

@kaniini i've actually heard that if you get one of the functional ones (e.g. a bit more reinforced, not just decorative - the majority are functional), it makes swimming much more efficient! ...after all, you're pasting a fin onto yourself lmao. the trick is just changing motions to be more dolphin-like instead of kicking.

but i think most people use them scuba diving or holding their breath for at least awhile. there are still some places that have mermaid performers working >

i also feel like we're reaching layers of absurdity here that may come to encapsulate 2019

the year two thousand and nineteeen, in which a left-leaning youtuber streams himself playing donkey kong 64, taking charitable donations for an organization that helps trans folks in the UK, is mentioned by Cher on twitter, and the developer of Doom joins the stream to yell TRANS RIGHTS!, and, it's not even finished yet, so who knows what is going to continue to happen

while i am not super keen really on hbomberguy personally, i must say, 200k (and climbing! phwoar) raised for a trans charity in the UK is pretty phenomenal

@Heffboom_Konijn i don't know much about alt-right symbolism - but i do know that white shoelaces are a very easy canvas to dye if you wanted to do that, and have time to do so (perhaps overnight)

you could dye them with food coloring http://silverliningcrafts.blogspot.com/2012/04/cool-technique-for-dying-shoelaces.html , tea/coffee https://www.instructables.com/id/Natural-Dying-With-Tea-Coffee/ , or koolaid https://www.instructables.com/id/Kool-Aid-Dyeing-for-Lace/

or for a more authentic hardware store look, you could just hasten the usual process of any white footwear on the worksite and dirty them up a bit lol

so if anyone ever tries to tell you that rule is for english.... one, english is english, it's not latin. and two, it's not even a rule in latin!!!

SPLIT YOUR INFINITIVES WITH VIGOR AND IMPUNITY, AND IF ANYONE ARGUES WITH YOU, EAT THEM

thank you, this has been today's episode of english major yelling corner

so EVEN THE ROMANS split their infinitives! this rule for latin wasn't even a fuckin RULE to begin with!!! i have gone hunting through fucking ovid with one part of an infinitive for one hand, gritting my teeth as i comb through the other part. there's an infinitive that is split, and then there is an infinitive that has been bitterly divorced for 15 years, ok?? if your infinitive is split by like an entire paragraph, that's above and fucking beyond "to boldly go".

and latin authors WILL ONE HUNDO PERCENT split that motherfucker up if it's in two words!!!

latin is a language where a position in a sentence means fuckall. it's only about those case endings. you can literally chuck all those words in a hat and shake them around and put them in totally random order and it will still make the same sentence.

latin poetry takes advantage of this. a lot. obnoxiously a lot actually.

this rule has never ever been a fucking rule in english. it's a rule in LATIN, but that's because in LATIN, your infinitives are one word. so don't split up one word.

for example, "amare" means "to love". d'aww.

EXCEPT.

E X C E P T. then you get to all of the different forms that you can get infinitives in. like if you want that verb in the perfect passive infinitive - "to have been loved" - you'd say "amatus esse". AND HO SHIT, THAT'S TWO WORDS!

oh god sorry everyone my vyvanse kicked in and so we're doing this i guess:

if ANYONE gives you grief for splitting an infinitive ("to boldly go" is one, where "to go" is split by "boldly"), take out your copy of Strunk and White and BEAT THEM ABOUT THE HEAD AND SHOULDERS WITH YOUR TOME, because even Elements of Style says that splitting an infinitive is okay (just that it should not be used unnecessarily, so to save it when you really want that adverb to be punchy).