Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

square enix owes me monetary compensation equal to or greater the cost of one bottle of grey goose vodka for making a fat miqo model, but one obviously meant for laughing at because it resembles someone in a fat suit instead of An Actual Person Being Respected As Such, and making her a frivolous, stupid, vain woman who rules over her "henpecked" thin husband

wOw HoW gRoUnDbReAkInG

oh jeez, looks like we got ourselves a Chekhov's Nectarine situation

p.s. please don't roast me too bad for my youtube watching recs sometimes the heart wants what it wants and what it wants is just people talkin' bout video jaems

oh hello hooman

i see you have a cookie there. as cookie inspector it's part of my job to notice these things. can i inspect that please, as per my job title #doggo #dogsofmastodon #hollypls

@cuddlyfoxgirl the exciting sequel:

in which you forget you've done this until the moment you're having sex in some position that requires your partner holding you up, and a good time is interrupted by a dab, an Oh No, and you hitting your head on a cabinet on your way to the floor

sidon, leaning in real close to the mic, wearing sunglasses, at a press conference: i got two hylians i'm dating. i got two hemipenes. the math checks out. thank you i will not be taking any questions at this time

zelda: don't worry everyone, i've done the math, it does indeed check out after thorough study

link: *mutely gives a thumbs-up*

sidon: ...................sis you're sounding almost like you expect me to date them just to look after them

mipha: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SIDON, PLEASE, DATE BOTH THE HYLIANS. SOMEONE NEEDS TO MAKE SURE THEY SURVIVE OUT THERE.

(and thus, ladies and gentlebeings, it's an ot3.)

mipha: and who is currently sobbing in a closet somewhere because it's been so long since she had a physical body to inhabit that she feels like she's pretending and doesn't know how to cope, but is currently considering starting breakfast with like half a bottle of brandy because it's the best idea she's got right now despite her intelligence thus making her feel like more of a failure? that zelda? >

mipha: and you mean princess zelda, like zelda who also has sort of always expected to be dead at this point in time and also blames the ruin of her kingdom on herself by her lifelong struggles with inadequacy, who spent the last hundred years tangling mano-a-mano with the big bad in psychic combat after seeing everyone she cared for die or be as good as dead, >

mipha: the one who says at most three words per day and growled at you three days ago because you woke him up too early, yet somehow managed to spend his months training carefully penning a last will and testament because he was so sure calamity ganon was going to kill him? that link?

sidon: ooer,

mipha: you're talking about link, as in the hylian who has spent the last months of training just assured that he's going to die in the final battle, because he blames the state of the kingdom on his failure, and is currently held together with duct tape and healing potions while also waking up screaming from nightmares like regular clockwork and has gone semi-feral due to running around alone and is a general mess?

please consider the following.

sidon: ...yeah but, isn't it selfish of me to date both of them at the same time? i mean you've gotta be pissed about it even though you're a ghost, right, sis?

mipha: let me get this straight, sidon, my dear little brother. >

@levels_check n i c e

every time janine's freckles are visible in a cutscene, an angel gets its wings

cw for eye contact and also maybe spoilers for end of stormblood if, like, you consider the texture of the floor here a spoiler

the real #ffxiv experience is

that "no fear" > "one fear" t-shirt comic, but the dude in the middle panel is wearing this

@cozykaffe@snouts.online shoulder angel says thylacines, since australia's critters are fascinatingly unique

shoulder devil says homo neanderthalis just to watch everyone fuckin lose their shit

but the heart says ground sloths because they're just neat

so i'm spending the day before shadowbringers going and doing the story versions of the omega raids

it's going well, as you can see,

so i feel like we need to be making a lot of jokes about how with Shadowbringers, #ffxiv finally is a perfect example of a JRPG. consider this checklist of essential qualities:

✅ you can have gravity-and-hairgel defying hairdos

✅ you can have impractical and impossible clothing as daily wear

✅ you can go fishing (as hypothesized by Y. Taro, 2017)

✅ you can kill god

@Sapphicgiraffic@snouts.online i feel like there's setups here for thousands upon thousands of mean jokes along the lines of "ah yes, barely qualifies as beer sponsoring barely qualifies as e-sport" but i don't know enough about the overwatch league to make them