Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

THANK YOU FOR ATTENDING THIS EPISODE OF: HARP WRITES SOME HORNY SHIT, "SUB ZENOS MIND BREAK" EDITION

stay tuned for next week, where sex pollen descends on the battlefield and the warrior of light watches in disbelief as zenos violently fucks his golfbag full of swords! "what am i, chopped liver?! for fuck's sake can i get a hand at least?!"

@trysdyn my guildmates are suffering through this as well - there has been some server wonkiness that kicked everyone off, and now everyone is trying to rush back on, and things are snarled but good. it's very likely that the confirmed earlier DDOS attack may be continuing : /

@leila exactly! i mean it's very good silver. and it was a gift. it is impolite to not display gifts! she didn't go to finishing school on alderaan for NOTHING.

one would be tempted to blame her father in part for the predisposition that led to this incident but padme amidala once fended off an assassination attempt at age 14 with two chopsticks and pure moxie so sadly anakin can't be blamed (for fuckin once, even he is amazed by this. rather, he is ESPECIALLY amazed by this)

listen. we all know, deep within our hearts, that leia organa is the woman that, in another destiny, would be the most terrifying PTA president any world has ever seen.

and that luke skywalker is definitely the one who thinks his incense totally covers up the weed smell but in fact it just smells like incense and also weed.

han's the one growing the weed.

or rather he thinks he did, chewie goes out there every night to actually do the horticulture bc he's the one good at it, but doesn't tell

@leila obviously looking at canon evidence, we can see he had both a himbo phase, then an emo phase, and in adulthood went full hippie after finding his true center instead of chasing the values of the environment in which he was raised, or the values he was set to inherit.

we all know luke skywalker's force ghost smells of patchouli.

meanwhile his sister inherited their mother's prep/yuppie genes completely, including the genetic knowledge of which one's the lobster fork

@legendaryjoeb but we do not speak of the bbc abomination that did sherlock holmes so fucking dirty and i will be angry about how the managed to make a modern adaptation of a story written in 1891 by a white dude SIGNIFICANTLY LESS FEMINIST AND SUBSTANTIALLY MORE WOMAN-HATING IN BASICALLY EVERY RESPECT WHEN LOOKING AT THE MOST NOTABLE FEMALE CHARACTER IN THE TALES

i mean god fucking damn, when you make a victorian dude look like a feminist fucking luminary...

@legendaryjoeb okay shit that's an exceedingly good point because i do goddamn love the granada adaptation

it can come up on the podium for first too

(second place is taken up with david suchet's poirot, which is just excellent, but i admit i am more fond of columbo because poirot is sort of the inverse trope to columbo. poirot acts that smart because he IS that smart l m a o)

@eightbitsamurai@elekk.xyz am i saying this because i am overly fond of the trope of "character that lets everyone around them write them off as a bumbling idiot, as an intentional strategy, because they're actually highly competent, and know exactly how to bank on this snooty dismissal in order to come out on top again and again and again"?

probably

it's a fucking great trope though

i expect to get swarmed for falling for copaganda at any moment for this but i would just like to state

columbo is the greatest detective show of all time

don't at me i know i am right

status report: i regret to inform you all that i will not be amusingly high due to lingering effects of meds because those sumbeyotches used every minute i had while chemically told to Calm Down to take far more extensive MRIs

my shoulder is having the lidocane wear off a bit and it is Noticing that A Fair Quantity Of Contrast Dye was Injected Into It. and it is also Noticing that the last set of MRI pictures was With My Hand Over My Head in its Least Favourite Position. so: aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA

@eightbitsamurai@elekk.xyz also i demand something for mch

probably, like, a vuvuzela.

either that or dancers can get sick moves to break it down, bards bring the music, and mch will be THE PYROTECHNICS

@eightbitsamurai@elekk.xyz two that come to mind - the spring bottoms from the fashion thing at the gold saucer (they are one of the unlocks if you do it enough), and since the Garo event is still on, check out the bottoms there - you can get dyeable with pvp wolf marks, or undyeable with mgp. undyeable looks like black leather and is just a nice simple pair of shorts which i've been virtually reaching for a lot

.....i really need to go to bed but THOSE ARE TWO LEADS TO FOLLOW

@monorail @InspectorCaracal @hoppet (the dog is also named holly i forgot that part.)

@monorail @InspectorCaracal @hoppet my dog, who is a carbhound, completely agrees with this and would also like to know where the bread is so that she can eat it

anyway me and my new gudetama cream cheese hand cream need to fuck off to bed so

Goodnight Fediverse

that english major feeling when you look at your own fanfic and go "well shit" honestly

see also the chapter of my autobiography entitled I Swear Every Time I Write Darth Vader I Don't MEAN To End Up Making A Point About Euthanasia And Quality Of Life It Just HAPPENS Somehow OKAY Please Stop Judging Me So Harshly

anyway the botw fic idea is still simmering in my head

the bad news is that "just some simple ot3 hurt/comfort" has grown into a massive monster with, like, Actual Plot N' Shit, how dare it???

the worse news (?) is that i'm pretty sure the main plot point that is revealed is a thinly veiled scathing indictment of baby boomers screwing over future generations and i'm not Quite Sure how to Feel about That just Up And Happening in the middle of a fic about legend of zelda.

i am a woman of simple wants, and among them is the desire to just bury my face in hien's chest hair.

listen. we all know he is hiding some primo fluff.

and we all know that he's got one of those natural scents of Hnngh Good Man Musk that you can take hits of like a fucken bong.

i mean look at him.

basically every waking moment he is not here cuddling me is an injustice.