Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

i'm still far too sore over so many douchebag "never hillary so i'm voting for trump" bernie bros to feel like i ever want to see someone pulling constant RAH RAH BERNIE SANDERS right now

@InspectorCaracal the amount of tiny subgenres that exist in mystery novels is kind of amazing to me

i picked up one second-hand in high school that was an Amish and Cooking Murder Mystery book with Pennsylvania-Dutch recipes between every chapter

@InspectorCaracal i think you just have described a book i never knew i wanted but desperately want

@InspectorCaracal are they now a like fantasy equivalent of James Herriot (but now western) and also a detective novel

because i'd read the hell out of that

@InspectorCaracal i will tuck that alongside my other grand awful cheap pulpy modern fantasy ideas, like "arranged marriage romance but for weird millennials: mom reveals she accidentally made deal with fairy that if her daughter was unmarried at 30, and if fairy's kid was also unmarried, they'd just hitch 'em. protagonist is unfazed by mother's panic, asks the fairies about their healthcare plan, and excitedly declares that fuck it, it's better than working at walmart"

@InspectorCaracal "wow! you must really have some fantastic latent magical talent, if you were able to cast your very first spell by, in fact, gathering magical energies to yourself and manifesting magical powers within you!"

"I JUST WANT TO TURN IT OFF. EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE TECHNICOLOR VOMIT. I HATE COLORS SO MUCH NOW"

@InspectorCaracal we've found THE PERFECT IMPLAUSIBLE YET TERRIFYINGLY PLAUSIBLE JOKE PROFESSION.

also may i suggest modern fantasy, person who does this wakes up one day to realize their scam has turned into "oh fuck what the fuck is that an aura oh FUCK"

@InspectorCaracal there's got to be a market of weirdos that will go "well as long as i'm paying several thousand for a cup of horse sperm, why WOULDN'T i spend an extra 200 dollars making sure that it's a good choice aura-wise?"

15 seconds with a random number generator and bam, you get paid

@InspectorCaracal oh the western shows are an absolute given. that's your bread and butter right there

but if you want to have an embarrassment of riches, go read the auras of racehorses

offer a special internet divination to help people find the right stud baby-horse-batter to order

????, PROFIT

@InspectorCaracal it would honestly make a quite frankly disgusting amount of money if you just advertise to the right markets

@InspectorCaracal if you want to do this shit for racehorses

huge

fucking Huge.

you just have to find some modicum of success first, just enough to seem lucky, and rake in the cash

get cheap shit, hot-glue stones onto it, sell on etsy for massive profit probably to somebody in Arizona who goes by Ravyn Midnite

@InspectorCaracal just think of the thriving etsy business you coulda had by now

@InspectorCaracal someone has one hundred fucking percent done this

@InspectorCaracal i mean out of all the questionable shit you could do to a horse in a new age medicine sort of way, i feel like reiki is at least not going to be very harmful

to the horse. you might get kicked through a fencepost, but the horse'll be fine

Reiki: Better Than Figging

also mostly i'm just like "wow, that many chakras. double chakras. weird flex, horse, but ok"

i feel like i have just seen a downright terrifying level of Horse Girl that i can never aspire to achieve

if Weaver D's, famous soul food restaurant thanks to reference by the band R.E.M., has a slogan of "automatic for the people", does that mean i can say it's good leftist praxis to go eat some fried chicken there

@strikeromega CONGRATS ON REACHING THE BEST LINE IN ALL OF STORMBLOOD

@dragon here is a playlist that comes recommended https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2DsYfCPWDxZtFzHRj9mO4h?