Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

i return, with donuts and the powerful elixir of validation from doctors pumping through me

theory: there are no morning people. the phenomenon called "morning person" is actually just people who do the "i've stayed up too late so now i've lost all inhibition" thing and are too proud to admit that it sucks

@Zaenon [ LOUD ZOMBIE-LIKE GROANING GOES HERE ]

"why the fuck did i say yes to an 8am appointment" and other #spoonie hymns,

@aradinfinity she is a very very good doggo, here is what she does every single night in the middle of the bed after huffing at me impatiently to lift the covers up

and here is what she does when she thinks i need to be sat on

FINALLY PAINTED ME CLAWS this is the longest i've ever grown them out without them breaking!! THANK YOU NAIL OIL

one hand presented with flash, one without, mostly because in the one without you can see my dog staring at me expectantly because i was saying 'cheese' to make the cameraphone take a picture

still quite messy but the liquid latex helps a tad

@InspectorCaracal that's very valid, they had a lot of stuff on the fire so to speak from what i remember - i think i left while they were more or less on tumblr hiatus

@InspectorCaracal THEY ARE ONE OF THE ARTISTS I MISS NOT HAVING ON MY TUMBLR DASH FOR SURE....... but also not enough to go back to tumblr unfortunately but y'all get that here i think

i would say that the real important thing that happens that arc is that Mon Mothma, somewhat accidentally, pulls rank hard on shit-au-Vader in a way that makes it clear in his mind that she is the one 'holding his leash'

because you can't write darth vader unless you admit that he has a massive chip on his shoulder labeled CLASS ISSUES and - wait no where are you all going wait come back QUICK HERE'S ANOTHER COMMISSION THIS TIME BY JAKFACE CW FOR EYE CONTACT,

not written after that: the immediate aftermath of leia cursing under her breath as she wrangles him into a giant towel burrito like an angry cat and makes him go down to the medical bay to have bloodwork taken so he doesn't come down with space chicken pox in the middle of another mission

incidentally that whole arc ends with him collapsing into bed, and then his duct-tape'd arm falls off again.

the arc also has chapter titles referencing malaria because it turns out crash landing was a perfect opportunity for Somebody to realize that he ain't in a suit with its own air scrubber no more and that maybe he should have made sure his vaccinations were up to date Whoops!

@aradinfinity the people i have commissioned have made him into a force of absolute power. trashy DILF power.

they made darth vader top DILF.

i could not be more proud of my hideous trash son

for context, this is actually a commission showing a specific moment i've written (! one of the very fuckin few)

his other arm is currently in a sling because it got a bit stuck in wreckage and so he just went "well, yolo lol" and chopped it off to rewire back in later. he did duct tape it to himself though because carrying your own arm was a bit suspicious so it's uhh "broken"

also someone's just punched him for cheating at cards

hence look of "oh you just fucked up."

Commence Bar Fight.

to confirm how fully i'm on my bullshit again, it is time for another commission from my pile of commissions i've gotten of my awful au darth vader from my pet fanfiction

this one, by tankens.tumblr.com gets a cw for eye contact of the "oh you just fucked up" variety AND for blood! IT IS VERY GOOD.

then of course to complete the stealing the vibe, we see how many people have discovered things about themselves as soon as he delivers the I'LL GRIND YOU UNDER MY HEEL! line, and suddenly there's even more people who consider my horrible au vader a dilf.

i mean it's not my fault he comes out looking so good in commissions ok?????? (maybe slightly my fault) (shh)

LIKE THE DIALOG. THE DIALOG WORKS SO WELL WITH EXTREMELY MINIMAL CHANGES Y'ALL.

just make moon bunny become hell wolf for more appropriate symbolism, do a cover of Wayward Daughter https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMv9uiQsXvg with the male/female choruses swapping parts, maybe kick in a little electric guitar to make it appropriately edgelord, find someone who can growl out an appropriate FROM MORTAL HUSK, I RISE AAANNEEEWWWW https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XzV8X31j9o and bip bop bam there it is

and instead of gosetsu, it is luke.

of course it is luke.

taking the blow for him, even as the emperor seeks to destroy him.

"stay behind me, father!"

"why?" he half-begs, half-wonders. "you have no place here!" this is meant to be a self-inflicted punishment, if his power only comes from his own suffering -

and the spectre of luke begs him to survive.

"perhaps," vader says,

"but it is too late for me. there can be no redemption."

and the spectre of obi-wan comes - "fight like your life depends on it, dear brother. you wouldn't like to disappoint me again, as on mustafar..."

"if it isn't the cold-blooded little worm. always crawling through my rotten heart."

and finally, of course

the emperor himself, instead of zenos

"your pitiful fortunes can bring you no lower, darth vader..."

"you have come to deliver judgment for my failure? cut me down, then! surely it is a simple task!"