Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

also, as i am writing yet more "profiles for my ffxiv characters written as if they are lore entries from the secret world", i think this officially qualifies as being Back On My Bullshit

me, having no inclination or feelings towards jacklyn hill whatsoever at the beginning of all this, nor any desire to buy any of her products, not having watched any of her videos, yet, nonetheless, enjoying the videos coming out detailing the pandora's box of horrors her lipsticks apparently are:

crucial features i would like in botw2:

-you can just go have a chat with the dragons instead of shooting at them and it's a nice lovely time

-PET DOG BUTTON

anyway

at least i have potato chips

"consequences for political action is definitely fake. i've never had a consequence in my life, after all!" - basically every cishet middle-upper-class white dude who seems to be a programmer of some stripe on mastodon, honestly

egregious bad selfie time

i look a bit of a fright because this is after going out and i only remembered OH RIGHT I WANTED TO TAKE A PICTURE until i changed into my pjs

however

t-rex necklace

t-rexlace

(cw for eye contact)

finally did something other than faff around in botw and urbosa is... absolutely the best team mom

she's gonna be there after i defeat ganon with orange slices and capri suns

this is the whole setup of botw2, incidentally. shit goes down 'cos she makes link go and give the loser a high-five because it's Good Sportsmanship

hello #ffxiv tag, please have this

[ignis voice] *snaps fingers* that's it! i've come up with a new mspaint abomination!

"what tusky is doing to gab users is morally wrong and against the spirit of open source software because -"

hhhHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA

yeah that's gonna be a preemptive block from me right there buddy

i was trying to do a "sans undertale" style joke, but i realize now when i call him Mr. Link Zelda it just makes it sound like he took zelda's last name when they got married except zelda only has one name so they were just like "oh tack it on anyway, good enough" and/or Princess is her first name and Zelda is her last name

note: there can be an episode where batman gets a hint that they're where they are and comes on down to try and find them

however

this will be played completely for comedy as batgirl, robin, wonder woman, superman, etc. all totally see Harley and Ivy and all react with "y'all are doing good shit actually, we're going to keep fucking mum even if this means some very silly LOOK-A-THREE-HEADED-MONKEY behavior so we can keep batman from seeing you"

bonus: this opens up for a TV show pilot of Harley and Ivy in the rainforest, with the villains-of-the-week being various flavors of people coming to clear-cut the forest for various reasons etc., so kind of like captain planet but is now vengeful lesbians

Harley is able to sit down and help with the mental troubles of the nearby town dealing with the effects of being part of that system, Ivy helps regrow the forest, they both take care to learn and respect the traditions/people already there

bonus: after-credits scene cuts to Wonder Woman taking a stroll in around the amazon in a city or something

totally spots Harley and Ivy

they sweat nervously as she walks over cheerfully and they are very much in "fuck we're in trouble" mode

instead wonder woman "introduces" herself because "clearly ;) we've never met ;) before ;)", and is very obviously going "y'all are doing good work here. i ain't gonna fuck it up. if batman asks i met some nice researchers. y'all have fun now"

so she lets harley and ivy go in a moment of sister solidarity, a "listen here's your chance to go stop living under the crushing bullshit of men in power dictating how you should be. y'all go save the amazon or some shit"

and then harley and ivy ride off into the sunset in a stolen convertible to go make the world a better place

the end

fucking hire me DC

batwoman is faced between "take them in for minor crimes that are technically illegal but also break their parole" and "let the lesbian newlyweds go to help the world"

and she has a moment of saying she's dedicated to justice right before batman yells at her over the phone to keep ivy and harley there so that HE can make sure to come capture them AS ONLY HE CAN

so she then sits down and goes "oh no i'm totally trapped, boy it would be a pity if y'all just ran out and stole a car eh"

catwoman acts as their mentor and perhaps also occasional relationship counselor, and the moral is along the lines of "doing real good is better than harming yourself out of guilt to punish yourself for the rest of your life"

batwoman ends up on their tail trying to track them down

but the final battle it's revealed that harley and ivy are basically on their way out of gotham to go, say, to the amazon to help turn back the tide of deforestation

of course that's in my "make me director, DC" dream movie where no major male characters show up

at all

minor characters, maybe. maybe voice on the telephone. but faces on that screen lol

as harley quinn and poison ivy, after their marriage, declare they're going to really go straight this time and then end up falling into "crime" once more, mentored by catwoman, in the art of "these things are technically illegal, but morally right, so what's batman gonna do about it huh"

i mean just ponder Poison Ivy, but with her hair up in a practical bun, sensible boots on (absolutely NO high heels or open-toed shoes are ALLOWED because of BASIC LAB SAFETY), who has made her plant costume into a sensible two-piece with pitcher plants at her hips that she can shove her hands into happily because pockets!!!

(batgirl is low-key jealous. it looks so comfortable! nicely loose! and POCKETS!)