There's so much of like, stuff that's very hard for me to describe in just, how I perceived everything growing up, that I feel like people used as reason to believe I had autism. And I don't experience those things anymore (or maybe just not to the same degree) and use that to kind of say "okay maybe I don't have it", but I'm still wondering?
And with certain people I've met who have it, it seems like that's how it affects them, but continuously, whereas it felt like I eventually painstakingly crawled my way to being able to understand things around me, now with much more clarity.
And so it's like, is that an indicator? And if so, does me not experiencing it to the same degree that I used to, that other people still do, mean that I don't have it?
It's like everything was... fuzzy. The world around me and all the people in it making up this vast uninterpretable space, and I didn't know how to interface with it at all. Like I was almost just a body floating through the situations I was in very unintuitively.