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at some level you have to be impressed with the ease and frequency with which the thought "i want to kill myself" can crop up in your head
@mavica_again Pretty awesomely negatively impressed, oof. Brains make lots of bad things easier than it should be.
@mavica_again
The ease and frequency means you should go see a therapist and stop postponing it.
Please use a CW for such posts.
Our local news sites always include a list of links and phones for mental health helplines in any article related to the topic.