@wigglytuffitout I AM TEMPTED TO SELL CRYSTAL CHARMS FOR HORSES, HARP, WHAT MONSTROSITY HAVE YOU CREATED

@wigglytuffitout don't just wear rhinestones on your shirt

wear ACTUAL C R Y S T A L S

@wigglytuffitout bling up your show tack with Harmonizing Energies

@wigglytuffitout sage ash to purify the bedding of your horse's stall from negative energies

@InspectorCaracal it would honestly make a quite frankly disgusting amount of money if you just advertise to the right markets

@InspectorCaracal if you want to do this shit for racehorses

huge

fucking Huge.

you just have to find some modicum of success first, just enough to seem lucky, and rake in the cash

get cheap shit, hot-glue stones onto it, sell on etsy for massive profit probably to somebody in Arizona who goes by Ravyn Midnite

@wigglytuffitout race horses? harp

harp have you seen Western shows

@wigglytuffitout look at this horse, harp

it has engraved metal plating on its tack

intricate embossed leather

this is like Standard

@InspectorCaracal oh the western shows are an absolute given. that's your bread and butter right there

but if you want to have an embarrassment of riches, go read the auras of racehorses

offer a special internet divination to help people find the right stud baby-horse-batter to order

????, PROFIT

@wigglytuffitout that would be amazing

@wigglytuffitout i'm literally never going to do this but you know what I MIGHT do

I might write a book someday about someone who reads horse auras

@wigglytuffitout that'd be a great premise for a Rural Fantasy series

with Rural Fantasy being the country counterpart to Urban Fantasy

@InspectorCaracal we've found THE PERFECT IMPLAUSIBLE YET TERRIFYINGLY PLAUSIBLE JOKE PROFESSION.

also may i suggest modern fantasy, person who does this wakes up one day to realize their scam has turned into "oh fuck what the fuck is that an aura oh FUCK"

@wigglytuffitout lmao no that's not really my style but you can have that one xD I would have it be Actual Aura Reading up front

real charms and stuff

@wigglytuffitout it's like the Dresden Files except instead of being a wizard private detective involved in the supernatural urban underground and crazy fairy shit, you're like

you run a tack shop and read auras and sell supernatural supplies in the back room to your Special Clientele

@wigglytuffitout there's an entire book about something weird going on at the local Tractor Supply

your favorite werewolf park ranger has gone missing and you have to track down what happened

@InspectorCaracal are they now a like fantasy equivalent of James Herriot (but now western) and also a detective novel

because i'd read the hell out of that

@wigglytuffitout I mean I wasn't thinking a vet but a vet could be good too

but in terms of tone, yeah, like James Herriot, except not the *English* countryside >.>

@InspectorCaracal i think you just have described a book i never knew i wanted but desperately want

@wigglytuffitout JOIN ME IN MY LONGING

@InspectorCaracal i will tuck that alongside my other grand awful cheap pulpy modern fantasy ideas, like "arranged marriage romance but for weird millennials: mom reveals she accidentally made deal with fairy that if her daughter was unmarried at 30, and if fairy's kid was also unmarried, they'd just hitch 'em. protagonist is unfazed by mother's panic, asks the fairies about their healthcare plan, and excitedly declares that fuck it, it's better than working at walmart"

@wigglytuffitout i would read this lmao

@InspectorCaracal "wow! you must really have some fantastic latent magical talent, if you were able to cast your very first spell by, in fact, gathering magical energies to yourself and manifesting magical powers within you!"

"I JUST WANT TO TURN IT OFF. EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE TECHNICOLOR VOMIT. I HATE COLORS SO MUCH NOW"

@InspectorCaracal there's got to be a market of weirdos that will go "well as long as i'm paying several thousand for a cup of horse sperm, why WOULDN'T i spend an extra 200 dollars making sure that it's a good choice aura-wise?"

15 seconds with a random number generator and bam, you get paid