Millie @Atatra@computerfairi.es

this comes courtesy of last night where for no obvious reason, i lost 2/3rds of the nights sleep to pain that painkillers that normally work great didn't get rid of for more than an hour per dose

wishing everyone able bodied who's never lost half an entire night of sleep to pain every night for a year a very donate to disabled people right now

telling myself every morning when i wake up, one day closer, one day closer. the flights are already booked, all we have to do is turn up at the airport, we're going home so soon

right now the fact that i'm flying home with my wife in 17 days is what's keeping me together, two weeks and a few days and we're out of here and on our way back to our own bed and all our toys and hobbies and christmas presents, all the drinks and foods we like

"why don't you reach out to people and let them know how you feel" because i do, and i'm sick of that being the only time people talk to me, when i'm imposing on them, when i step into their space when they're busy, i'm tired of people not recopricating this and just, assuming i'm fine without them talking to me. i haven't had someone start a conversation with me other than my wife in a week, maybe more. it starts to hurt a lot

nothing like a bunch of people posting about 'things to do while we're all snowed in' or articles about winter activities because obviously everyone is right now to make me feel homesick and displaced and forgotten. i keep coming back to the fact that apart from three group chats on discord where other people regularly talk to eachother, i haven't recieved a direct message in a week, and it's so obvious just how unimportant i am in most people's lives

that stifling feeling when every instinct tells you to self harm for attention, but the only person who would notice is someone you love, someone who already knows, nobody else cares, nobody else would bat an eye, what do i gain from crying for attention to any empty room