FatMadiVersA @FatMadiVersA@computerfairi.es

I havent written things in a while or better said in months but i had so much shit going on things i thought would go good turned really shitty again in my life i accumulated quite a lot of unluck it seems and i am so sick of telling ppl how so many things are going down the drain again so i have become silent not only here but on twitter and Facebook too and trying to push through on my own the only thing that keeps me going is making art and my therapy group #mentalhealth #life

#mastoart #pagan #paganart #ostara #albaneilir #ipadart

Habe einen neuen Kanal eröffnet zum Thema Intersection zwischen Querfeminismus viele sein und Trans sein hier ist die erste Folge für Kritik und Fragen bin ich jederzeit offen https://youtu.be/TEbPNHI3d1Q

Today we had a plenary and I told the other roommates that I am multiple they were nice but Also seemed overwhelmed and I’m afraid they could not take me/us seriously anymore but I’m also happy they were understanding and not openly shitty

Didn’t go as planned first we were at another shared flat and it was quite nice theneating falafel and then we went to the party as we arrived it was already so full and hot that I had to go in a separate room but I couldn’t hear any music there and I knew nobody saw me and my partner just sat around and I was quite relieve as another roommate came and said she wants to go but I also Felt quite ashamed because again I couldn’t stay as long as most of the people and couldn’t dance

Soo off I go to my first non exclusively queer techno party luckily people from my wg are there but I still hope it wont be a tooo much also it’s a birthday party

@FatMadiVersA weird and also I’m happy about any friendship that may build up and i don’t want to risk that but I’m Also super nervous and got butterflies anf don’t know how to hide that

So 2 weeks ago I was at an inclusive yoga workshop and met a woman there we went to the sbahnstation together and talked alot and discovered we have much in common we connected via Facebook since that night I couldn’t get her out of my head but we didn’t write much finally I plucked up the courage to ask her if sshe wants to meet and she is coming to my place today the thing is she told me she’s in a relationship and I don’t know if she’s poly and not how to find out without sounding pushy or

@FatMadiVersA about an hour I was running around trying to find something why looking around I was harassed and I was in a great panic in the end I went to a place where people were eating and the waiter brought me to the bus because I was crying
Then two times I got in the wrong bus and the second bus driver shouted at me that I was stupid
Luckily enough as I finally did come home there was somebody there to make me a warm water bottle and gave me a hug

Yesterday I came home I was on the way home from a Feminist buddhist practice group and had to change over at Ku’damm unfortunately the bus stop wasn’t there where the person who described the way for me you said it was so I thought I just could ask people but everyone was tourist or drunk and nobody could help me I called my partner but he didn’t have high-speed data so we couldn’t look where the right bus stop was
So I called the police and asked if they could help me pick me but they said no

Ich Thins I liked today
Saw the very nice councelor from lesmigras again after a month
Had delicious spaghetti with aubergine sauce and feta at my partners place
Ate my first hallorenkugel
Got told my money for living and rent wiill come in the next days

Da ich gestern Abend die Medikamente nicht von der Apotheke abholen könnte hätte ich das heute Früh tun müssen was mache ich? Verschlafe bis gerade eben und gleich kommt der Pflegedienst zur Medikamenten stellen und die Medikamente sind nicht da für mich total wie ein Versager weil ich in letzter Zeit total viel vergesse oder nicht auf die Reihe kriege

So a couple of days ago I was looking into eBay Kleinanzeigen actually to look if there was any secondhand cheap piano we could put in the livingroom of our shared flat but I didn’t find that instead I came across a #celtic #harp wich was extremely cheap I thought this couldn’t be good so I sent a message and visited the woman next day to play live but it sounded wonderful so I got it and I’m very happy
Here’s an improv with my new harp https://soundcloud.com/fatmadiversa/heatrtspace-impro

This little comic I drew last night after some really nice experiences I had yesterday it cost me sleep but I’m quite happy
Wanted to share this on instagram but it cuts off parts of the image i don’t know why

Here are pictures of my new room not completely ready but fo now its good

I shockingly noticed that I probably have moths in my #fibres can you tell me what to do #knitting #followerpower

So after I wanted to move last Friday and then got sick I will move to my new place tomorrow and am really excited anf is hopefully all will go well
Its like too good to be true I always wanted to live in Berlin in a shared flat and until Now this was just temporary but after tomorrow I’m really gonna live and belong here
But I’m also anxious what if things don’t work out I don’t get the support and my roommates kick me out?
I really love everything there the area the forest not so far etc

@FatMadiVersA this is no New behaviour of me I have been having meltdowns and freaking out at him as long as we had our relationship but it has gotten better as I went to counselling because of that and now I’m falling back into old behaviours and the person I go to to counselling is not there until the 5th of February I don’t want of this I don’t intentionally want to hurt him but sometimes when things get too much it just happens and afterwards I feel so shit