Ren - Moved to chitter.xyz @Nine@computerfairi.es

also

crimes

aaaaaaaa just finished night in the woods and oh my god i love it

it's

it's good
it's.

oh wow it hurt too. it was beautiful and sad and i cried at several points and it's just such a human story... and yet... so fuckin' weird at the end too and just... oh wow...

...oh wow.. I... I loved it. I might replay it!

and there's literally no reason for this. Ugh. hate this so much.

The worst thing is that these feelings are alllllll too familiar. I used to get night terrors a lot when I was a kid and I recognise this feeling, it's the same as after I wake up from one, that same disconnect, the anxiety, the deread, feeling of imminent danger from nowhere, like i'm "lagging" behind my own body when I move, everything feels faintly unreal and numb but even though I'm breathing calm I want to scream and cry and escape.

there's no reaosn for this, it will pass, it will be okay. i'll be fine... nothing bad is going ot happen I just... have to calm down somehow. somehow.

okay god fuck i wish this doctors appointment was sooner to be honest becuasei feel like on the verge of a panic attack constantly and it's not fun not fun at all nghh...don't like
doooo not like

holy shit selmer's poem in nitw fuckin ROCKS

everyone

i love you all so much. <3

i'm a little hyper right now and i'm not sure why because i'm running on very little food and probably not enough fluids but an absolute ton of kitty cuddles and silliness sat at home not going anywhere because brain is all dizzy again, but I've got enough energy for interactions so I wanted to pass on some love to all my followers

"ren no that would make a pair of headphones a dongle and they are clearly NOT a dongle"
not with THAT attitude .

tired: is a pizza a sandwich
wired: is something resembling a computer device with a lead or plug on one end a dongle

i mean the answer to all is

yes, absolutely. if you believe hard enough.

I have this problem on games where there's "optional" pvp too. I adored Bloodborne and the entire Souls series of games and completed them all but ... any time I got invaded in the Souls games it was horrid. I hated it. my chest got tight, I got shaky, and it didn't stop until quite a while afterwards. I'd inevitably get killed in a really inconvenient place because I just can't compete when I'm like that. I can't stay calm despite my best efforts.

Without co-op I'd never gotten through it.

that's not how you spell logarithmyuc

... lgoa...

EXPONENTIALLY fuck it

...

every so often I see Quake 3 Arena and whatnot on steam or wherever

and Unreal 3/4/2004 etc

and I mean I OWN UT2004 and still have it installed I think with a ton of mods and stuff but

I love the idea of playing it, and sometimes I do? (botmatches only)

but...

I know it would be more fun with people, online, but the problem with that is...

as soon as real people are involved and it's competitive anxiety spikes like a logarythmic scale and I start low grade panicking and it's no fun.