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Quickest way to end workplace small talk:

Coworker: So, do you have kids?

Me: Not anymore.

My kids say they prefer food without the burnt bits

Like they know what that tastes like

Okay, someone of you now needs to suggest me a movie.

Would like to watch one, but no idea which πŸ™ˆ

GOP Rep Paul Gosar spoke at Nazi & pro-Hitler events, doubled down repeatedly, & still fraternizes with white supremacists.

GOP Rep MT Greene cites Jewish space lasers, speaks at Nazi events, & still fraternizes with white supremacists.

And GOP continues to embrace them into leadership positions.

But please tell us more about how Rep Ilhan Omar unequivocally apologizing for her words & meeting with Jewish leaders for healing is the real antisemitism.πŸ€”

Me: I’m making chicken for dinner. What kind would you like?

18: The kind with the two first names.

Me: ???

18: It has green stuff on it.

Me: You mean ROSEMARY chicken?

18: Yeah, that one

Next time someone questions if birds really are dinosaurs, show them this picture!

β€œStupid kid fell in the well again.”

-if Lassie had been a cat

@DidiQ
This is Trump’s β€œbig contributionβ€œ to America. His open theft and never-ending lying without penalty have opened the door for even worse narcissists. It seems our country no longer holds wealthy white criminals to account so why shouldn’t others like (and worse than) Trump grasp for power and its resultant wealth?

God: so they’ll be called Sea Urchins

Angel: okay...

G: they’re basically stabby aquatic sand spurs

A: what are sa-

G: but they eat, like, EVERYTHING

A: ...

G: poor orphaned kids will also be called urchins

A: who hurt you

Long time quilter, first time mastodon.art poster

Of all the quilts I've ever made, and there's been A LOT over the last 20+ years, this is my favorite. It was made during the first weeks of the COVID pandemic as a way to bring color into the world during that very dark time

PROFANITY & FABRIC
Completed 2020
WordPlay Letters/Improv Sawtooth Stars
70” x 79”

Marked as sensitive for language. #Introductions #Quilt

@rpardee 50K feet is up there - I think that's above the ceiling where a jet engine can operate. Not enough air pressure or oxygen.

@rpardee
It's at an altitude of 50,000+ feet, and your chance of hitting it are slightly lower than your chance of winning the lottery within 30 seconds of being hit by lightning, while wearing your grandmother's fuzzy slippers.

@KLB
I don't have a green thumb, it's...
What is that color when the plant is dead, but hasn't yet turned to mush? Kind of grey/brown? My thumb is that color.

I apparently really enjoy buying seeds, for flowers and veggies. 🌱I’m not nearly as successful at planting them 🌸, and even less successful at coaxing them to maturity πŸ₯’. I do enjoy thinking about it though. 🀭 #gardening

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ScottinSoCal πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ πŸ•Š πŸ³β€πŸŒˆ's choices:

Computer Fairies

Computer Fairies is a Mastodon instance that aims to be as queer, friendly and furry as possible. We welcome all kinds of computer fairies!