It is a little frustrating that I've spent all of today cooking or cleaning, and my husband is fucking around in VR, and if I mention it to him he'll be "I GUESS I'M NEVER ALLOWED TO HAVE FUN THEN"
Like, that is never what I mean. I don't mean "I'm not having any fun so you're not allowed to have any fun". I don't mean "please get rid of your VR equipment and all your toys and live a joyless existence from here on because I'm a hateful bitch"
I just want to know where MY fun is. Where MY rest is.
But I guess I better stir the bolognese and clean up the kitchen.
@Xkeeper apparently this shit is super common as soon as a baby arrives in a household. There's a massive increase in work to be done, and it almost always winds up being distributed super unevenly. And because one parent goes to work and earns money for everyone it's super common for them to flip their wig when the stay at home parent begs for some help
@Xkeeper super super super super super SUPER
@Xkeeper He's not actually calling me a hateful bitch or anything, btw. He just overreacts to me getting frustrated when he's off having fun and I'm being cook or dish pig or laundress…
@Tarale That's still not at all fair. I knew (or at least hoped) he wasn't saying those things, but the way you're being treated is still unhealthy
@Xkeeper I think all he hears is criticism and the kneejerk reaction to that is defensiveness. I don't think it helps that society at large tells him the labour he performs in exchange for a wage is inherently more useful than the unpaid labour I'm performing at home
@Tarale yeah :/ ...
@kungtotte @Xkeeper Oh, we've done the flip his wig thing, it's not constructive. Also potentially not good for the little one, if he witnesses it. I just wish I could avoid this defensive "ahh i'm being criticised i'm the victim wahhh" shit
@kungtotte @Xkeeper Like, once he gets defensive, he's in a headspace where he seems to be completely unable to hear what I'm actually saying at all.
@Tarale :(
Good luck with things.
@atinyfairy Thanks. I opened a bottle of red wine to put in the sauce and I kinda want to start day drinking while I wash all the dishes :/
@Tarale please don't
you could ask him to wash when you cook and vice versa so you split at least that part of the work
@atinyfairy I'm trying to figure out how to do that without triggering this defensive bullshit, because once he's in that mental space, it becomes all about how he's not allowed to have any fun and blah blah, and nothing constructive happens and nothing I actually say gets heard
@Tarale if you can't talk to him about this in a reasonable manner then... yeah, something is wrong. either y'all need couples counseling or somethin but that ain't healthy