Depression
@isha Yeah, that's one reason I'm considering perhaps getting a diagnosis: access to resources and spaces that I don't currently have.
I'm too old for any of this to have been picked up in childhood and it wasn't until someone described a meltdown that I was like… "hang on a minute". I still don't really know, but I'm looking into it. It certainly would explain a lot. I guess I'm just going through a lot of complicated and messed up feelings about it.