Oh, that? That's nothing. Don't worry about it.

*Patrick Bateman voice*: Excuse me, I need to go reparent my inner child.

Life Pro Tip: If you're going to throw out your old cell phone, at least pop the microSD into the microwave for 30 seconds.

You never know what kind of miserable little self-hating psychopath is going to find it πŸ˜‡

Binging breadtube so I know all the right words to say to get with the hot goth girls (I have learned so much about sourdough)

I enjoy making customer service reps cry on the phone (by saying please and thank you) πŸ˜ˆβ€‹

I'll send you pictures of my periorbital dark circles

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Does anybody want to look after a poor little exploitable member of a vulnerable population that can't take care of herself? Maybe send her $20 on Cashapp so she can buy new outside pajamas on Aliexpress?

My advice for the younger generation: Take the road less travelled. Explore new experiences. Take risks. Compile a damning blackmail dossier on somebody you've never personally met. Dangle it in front of them and threaten to ruin their life. Make them take humiliating pictures of acting like a dog. Go somewhere they frequent and give them a courtesy smile when they look into your eyes. Live life!!

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programming computers is a morally incorrect act. if you have ever programmed fuck you

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Bitches be like "oopsies" and dump their stack

psych: sleep 

I have a splendid idea, simply marvelous, see, what if we were to wake up at 4:40 each morning, precisely optimizing the two hundred and forty minutes required for a complete rest cycle. We could even spend the extra four hours each day vividly imagining our worst nightmares. What do you say, shall we give it a go?

Ooh what a diverse assortment of wild grass, I'm going to sit here for 20 minutes and eat only the most premium blades mmm scrumptious ohhh I have a tummy ache blahhh how could this have happened!

psych 

Mindfully suppressing the trans-generational urge to settle down in a codependent mental patient-nurse relationship like a dog balancing a treat on its nose

Ashley boosted

Check it out...there's this nice old lady who comes down the street every week on trash/recycle night to get the cans from the bins...she doesn't speak much English, and I always save our cans for her, so we've got to know each other..she just brought me a big bag of oranges, pears, yellow peppers, carrots, and eggplant.
#Love β€οΈπŸ™‚

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Computer Fairies

Computer Fairies is a Mastodon instance that aims to be as queer, friendly and furry as possible. We welcome all kinds of computer fairies!