Aura V. @auravulpes@computerfairi.es

At this point, all I can do is cling to not self-harming or killing myself. I'm having to actively fight many urges, urges that are very strong right now. The urge to self harm. The urge to kill myself. The urge to isolate myself from the friend group this happened in. The urge to run away and never come back.

It's hard when all I want is to fucking die.

Well, if today wasn't the shittiest day. Still broken after last night's realization that I'm not okay, this was a very bad start to the day. For the first time in a while, I've had serious suicidal thoughts and have wanted to self harm all day. When the internet broke, I lost hope of having a good day due to hanging out with friends cheering me up. And when it came back, a friend's mental issues and me accidentally triggering them trashed the benefit of hanging out. Fuck this shit.

Ooh, and some clarification! This isn't about experiences. This is, for example, knowing what the word acquiesce, means. If one of you knows, does the other, or do you have to explicitly share that knowledge?

Question for those of you who only ever have one personality fronting (iirc, median systems): Do you, the one out front, and any other personalities floating around in your head have a shared knowledge pool or do y'all each know things the other(s) doesn't? e.g. Jade and I fall into the former category. She doesn't know anything I don't. But I'm curious if that's different for anyone else.
(Feel free to reply with specifics!)

Please remember that due of the decision of ERCOT and our state government, that this stuff is affecting the worst off of us more than the rich. Think about that before you decide to start mocking texans. Please. And maybe consider redirecting that mockery towards anger at a government we have no say in and capitalists' incessant need for profits above all else.

Ah, yes. Hell has finally frozen over.