Aura V. @auravulpes@computerfairi.es

Then the cousin got sent out to calm things down (which he did, kinda) and I basically ended up quiet until I got back to my apartment, trying not to cry.

This Christmas was a major disaster.

Like, don't tell me that you had to learn how to handle your emotions the hard way, so I should too, while yelling at me for not being able to handle my emotions. Like, she's gen x, but her attitude there was very boomer.

Now, not everything I did at this point was right (I probably shouldn't have slapped her), but I sure as hell wasn't the one in the wrong here.

Then the shit with the aunt happened, where she treated me like a child, tried to be physically violent with me, accused me of acting like a child, then, when called on some of the shit she was saying, basically justified it as "I (and your mom) suffered, so you should too," not realizing how much stupider that made her actions look. By the end of it all, I had no choice but to respond, "OK, boomer."

And, of course, there are the problems with enforcement. I couldn't just leave because mom was my ride home. And I can't really cut her off for repeatedly doing this kinda thing, because I rely on her for financial support. So how else can I give my boundaries any weight?

Again, I wasn't in the right. I was very much in the wrong. But, I did have my reasons.

Like, I want to set a boundary, but it's not something I know how to do in a healthy way, and I can't really enforce it anyways. Like, I don't really know how to express "hey, this thing you're doing is something that makes me feel bad, please stop" because I don't really know how to express the thing being done or how it makes me feel.

Well, it looked like Christmas was gonna go well, then ended up going to shit. Mom started making fun of me (maybe) in a way that I perceived as treating me like a child, I lashed out the only way I knew how (violence), and things quickly went downhill.

This is the part where I was most definitely in the wrong. I had my reasons, but I was still in the wrong.

"Hell is just spicy heaven"

The presents are delivered, Santa's done parked the sleigh in the middle of nowhere and gotten drunk, and the reindeer are just vibin'.

Merry Christmas, y'all!

Worsening CYL values might also explain why I'm having trouble reading some things with my glasses on. I've been working with circuits a lot recently, and I've found it hard to read SMD resistor values and numbers on microchips and diodes with my glasses on. So, hopefully my new glasses also help with that.

Interestingly, my SPH values actually got a little better. So, apparently, I'm less myopic, bit more astigmatic. I was actually a little confused at first, because my optometrist told me my eyes had gotten a lot worse, but those values had improved. The worsening CYL values explain it, though.

So, here lately, I've been getting some pretty bad migraines. I think I've figured out why. Last time I had an eye exam, my CYL values were OD -1.25 OS -0.5. My eye exam yesterday had CYL values OD -1.5 OS -1.5, so I've gotten a decent amount more astigmatic, particularly on my left eye (the side where it hurts particularly bad). Apparently, astigmatism is linked to migraines, so hopefully my new glasses should help with this.

Remember how I was talking about how I just click "Show more" the other day?

I just saw a CW in Arabic. I don't speak Arabic. My brain immediately went "I wonder what's under this?" and clicked show more. Unsurprisingly, it was more Arabic. CWs will not stop me. I will read your post, regardless of if I even know what it says, much less what it means.

(Incidentally, it might not have even been Arabic. It could have been Farsi or Urdu. I honestly don't know.)

My name is Lilix Arlen, and I'm an agender incubus. I'm (obviously) non-binary (pronouns are xe/xyr/xem, though I will accept the "they" series), and I'm considering some form of transition, though I'm not sure what that would entail. I'm demonkin and plural.

Along with being an incubus, I've a great interest in science (particularly physics and chemistry) and technology, as well as being into art and combat sports.