Aura V. @auravulpes@computerfairi.es

Some more on what forgiveness isn't:
- Leniency. Consequences can still be had.
- Condoning or excusing behaviour. You can forgive someone for that which you condemn.
- Revenge or "letting god handle it". It is not hurting someone who's hurt you. (That's a different thing, that may or may not be justified.)
- "Giving it time". It's an active process.
- A quick fix. It takes time.
- Moving on. That's merely a part of it, not the entirety.

Forgive and forget is the most bullshit thing anyone has ever said. Forgive, for sure. But don't forget. To forget is to leave yourself open to the same wrongs you suffered in the first place. Forgive, but learn the lessons that need to be learned. Don't. just. forget.

Forgiveness is for you and you alone. No one needs to ask you for it, and it's not something you give anyone. It is you giving up resentment (to which you have a *right*, mind you), and doing what it takes to heal.

It is not reconciliation. You don't have to like those you forgive. It is not just moving on. You still need to heal. And, most importantly, it is not. forgetting. ...

BTW, us furies won honorable mention all-star cast that year. Normally, they don't give awards to ensembles, so, more fun stuff for senior year.

Senior year, our theatre teacher asked me and two others who'd been in theatre for a while to demonstrate improv. This wouldn't be worth mentioning except for the fact that *all three of us hate improv*. We proceeded to awkwardly stumble our way through a car buying scene before she finally decided "Okay, nevermind."

I've wanted to get back into acting for a while now. I dunno. Maybe if one of you needs an actor for something, get in touch. I might be interested (though I can't guarantee being a good fit for any role). Just don't contact me about improv. Three years of theatre and I can't do improv for shit.

Yeah. Me. An atheist. Talking about "My Saviour. Sweet, Sweet, Jesus". There's just a nice irony to it, isn't there. An irony made better by the fact I've become something of a Satanist in recent years.

"Do you ever pray, Mary?"

«What do you mean? Of course, I…»

"No, no, no, no. To really, really pray to Almighty God with all of your mind and all of your heart and all of your soul. To pray until His heart and His mind and His soul open out to you until you are riding there. Until you are riding there like crystal. Riding on beams of the purest, whitest, celestial crystal. O Jesus. My Saviour. Sweet, Sweet, Jesus…"

I played the fury that gives a big speech on praying and Jesus, a fact that me and my sister found rather amusing given my atheism. Unfortunately, no one else knew (small Christian town, remember), so they didn't get to share in the joke. Sad. 2/2

I also did one act play, incidentally. I joined sophomore year intending to do tech stuff, only to find a role as an actor in "The Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon" (or, rather, a massively cut down version thereof). The next year, I would star as Detective Rough in "Angel Street" (which you may know as "Gaslight"), and the year after, I would play one of the 5 furies in "The Insanity of Mary Girard". Specifically, I was the Jesus-y one 1/2

The school mentioned as coming first, incidentally, I had a decent comradery with at state. We were still competing against each other individually, but we were pretty friendly, chatting beforehand, and we even joked about me coming in to the practical as their third person (which we *maybe* could have gotten away with).

Here's a redacted version of that news article. Technically, based on my last name (or perhaps you could also make out my first name), you *could* find out what school I went to, but I'll leave that as a challenge to the reader (ya fuckin' creepy stalker).

(And don't think of googling the headline. That article was print only. Heheheh.)

Oh, tits. In 6 (which this should be a reply to), it should be that A wanted to do it before finding out we *wouldn't* be doing the coding. My bad.

*-20 may sound bad, but it really wasn't. I was actually impressed. That member answered a *lot* of questions without guessing (I don't think they guessed a single question). All of the incorrect answers that led to a -20? My fault. Things I didn't explain well enough or that I explained in an inadvertently misleading way. I could understand how he got every answer he got and could point to where I failed that led to him getting that answer. So, really, rather good. 15/14

So, yeah. There's the story of the time I almost singlehandedly led a team to state in an academic competition. Voila. 14/14

I don't think anyone's done that since. I don't think it's likely anyone will. It could happen, but I doubt it. It's one of those once in a blue moon stories that, if it were sports, would have had a movie made about it. A lone athlete's desperate bid to lead a ragtag group to the championships with no real coach. But, instead, it was nerds in a classroom talking computers, so, no movie. Shame :P /s 13/

Anyways, I went to state, came 6th, behind all 4 members of another school's team (they actually had a CS program at their school), and well, I'm not sad or mad or disappointed. I did what few could. Not just making it to state, but everything I pulled with our team. You may have noticed "coach" in quotes. There's a reason for that. She didn't know anything about CS. I was the de facto coach. Our principal even acknowledged such in a local newspaper interview. 12/

And, we weren't. Sad, I know. But, we came close. If we'd finished on more coding challenge, we could have done it. I could have pulled off the most impressive thing I've ever done: taking a team of 3 people with no CS knowledge to state in the CS competition. I failed, but, it wasn't a complete loss. After all, we were close. Like I said, I challenge off from making it. We *nearly* did it. 11/

The next day was the handwritten. Beforehand, I gave them the best motivational speech I could, and then we went in to do it. I put up my best performance to date, answering nearly every question and scoring 140 points, easily putting me in first. Unfortunately, my team fell behind, with 40, 20, and 😬 -20*. The -20 was dropped, but it still meant we didn't have enough to get first. We'd have to be the wild card.