Aura V. @auravulpes@computerfairi.es

Well, I'm still feeling hopeless, but at least I'm not angry and ready to kill myself anymore. Thanks sudoku (and Simon, from Cracking the Cryptic, in particular)!

Sorry if I'm annoying you with all this, by the way. I need a void to scream all this into, and this seemed like as good a place as any.

UTA claims to be a "community that cares". I wonder how true that is. You think if I emailed a suicide threat to them that they'd actually try to help with my financial situation or would they just try to shove me into inpatient, thus putting me in even more medical debt? What little money I have left is on the latter.

I'm starting to see where those people who blame depression on capitalism are coming from. You're right, capitalism is making me want to kill myself and the $100 worth of psychiatric meds on my nightstand has only made that worse. Now how about you go do something about that instead of just stating the obvious.

I guess if I kill myself using the meds it won't have been a complete waste.

And, yeah. Sure. It's three months worth of meds. Good to know. Good to know we're gonna go through this all over again three months from now. Great.

What a cruel joke. $110 worth of medicine just to make me not want to kill myself over having to spend that $110 when I already couldn't afford rent.

And mom wonders why I'm a leftist.

I already couldn't afford my rent and now add on that I just spent $110 on psychiatric meds. Remind me why I shouldn't just kill myself again? There's so much more to see? Like what? Never being able to get out of debt because I constantly have to pay absurd amounts for basic necessities like housing and meds? Maybe I shoulda just skipped a step and killed myself in advance. At least then my family woulda had an extra $100 to use instead of now pointless meds.

So, two weeks ago, I took a job with an inventory company. Today, I sent in my resignation. Tomorrow will be my last night. (Don't worry. I didn't have anything scheduled past that.) Unfortunately, being a college student means a job that has changing locations and hours just doesn't work. If it's 23:00, I could be there for another 30 minutes or three hours and I might be an hour from my apartment. So, yeah. Not good. Still, wasn't a bad job, per se. Shame.