jk I'm all about that bread @danishcookies@computerfairi.es

friendly reminder that 250 million years ago 95% of life on earth died

i usually dont get anything out of cooking shows but angry but the british baking show taught me u can use chickpea juice for eggwhites and that blew my mind

thats my secret cap im always online

🎵 on the twelfth day of tooting the fedi gave to me

12 apes a-vaping
11 lasers posing
10 ropes a-blasting
9 cancelled admins
8 guys replying
7 birthday fakers
6 slime emojis

5 migrations

4 boosted nudes
3 faved toots
2 coochie elves
and a whole fediverse of good friends 🎵

Me, age 12: *on AIM* why doesnt anyone want to talk to me?
also me: *always invisible or away*

- name 3 cities
- say "uno, dos, tres, dale!"
- say "mr worldwide"

you can do these in any order but all three steps are very important

Update on spiders:

The sac spider is fully 1cm long not including legs. She rarely stretches out fully but is well over 1 inch long including legs.

The orbweaver's latest web is over 6 inches in diameter and anchored to the windowsill, not just the potted plant. Things *might* be getting a bit out of hand…

#spiders #smolfrens

Someone please create a #fantasy setting where heroic/sympathetic characters ride #tarantulas the size of horses.

It must be such a smooth ride, with the extra legs

also, let's redeem #spiders from the reputation Tolkien gave them

Is there a queer ballet company? I would be *so* here for that.

everyday i thank god stand up comedy is dead. it’s the one good thing to come out of our cultural shift

this is a normal and well-adjusted response to being broken up with for being an asshole

mathematically ranking women on a hotness scale is a totally not fucked up thing to do. definitely.

he’s stealing a bunch of people’s pictures now

mark went online to bitch about being broken up with. what a tool

mark just got his ass kicked by words

this movie is doing a really shitty job of making me like mark right from the start

@007 plenty more where that came from

i showed you my fursuit please respond

@lynnesbian
1) F****
2) M*********, MI
3) Pet/Good Girl