jk I'm all about that bread @danishcookies@computerfairi.es

I close my commissions today! I'll be opening them up again in 2019 with new prices, so now is your best chance to commission me!~

idea: the museum of art that will never be.

a museum with empty exhibits, all notated in the form of regular art pieces, explaining the composition and meaning behind said art, except the artworks are not and never will be made.

get as many artists as possible involved, donating their scrapped ideas or unfinished works to be displayed as art that never was.

friendly reminder that 250 million years ago 95% of life on earth died

i usually dont get anything out of cooking shows but angry but the british baking show taught me u can use chickpea juice for eggwhites and that blew my mind

thats my secret cap im always online

🎵 on the twelfth day of tooting the fedi gave to me

12 apes a-vaping
11 lasers posing
10 ropes a-blasting
9 cancelled admins
8 guys replying
7 birthday fakers
6 slime emojis

5 migrations

4 boosted nudes
3 faved toots
2 coochie elves
and a whole fediverse of good friends 🎵

Me, age 12: *on AIM* why doesnt anyone want to talk to me?
also me: *always invisible or away*

- name 3 cities
- say "uno, dos, tres, dale!"
- say "mr worldwide"

you can do these in any order but all three steps are very important

Update on spiders:

The sac spider is fully 1cm long not including legs. She rarely stretches out fully but is well over 1 inch long including legs.

The orbweaver's latest web is over 6 inches in diameter and anchored to the windowsill, not just the potted plant. Things *might* be getting a bit out of hand…

#spiders #smolfrens

Someone please create a #fantasy setting where heroic/sympathetic characters ride #tarantulas the size of horses.

It must be such a smooth ride, with the extra legs

also, let's redeem #spiders from the reputation Tolkien gave them

Is there a queer ballet company? I would be *so* here for that.

everyday i thank god stand up comedy is dead. it’s the one good thing to come out of our cultural shift

this is a normal and well-adjusted response to being broken up with for being an asshole

mathematically ranking women on a hotness scale is a totally not fucked up thing to do. definitely.

he’s stealing a bunch of people’s pictures now

mark went online to bitch about being broken up with. what a tool

mark just got his ass kicked by words

this movie is doing a really shitty job of making me like mark right from the start