jk I'm all about that bread @danishcookies@computerfairi.es

SISTER: this reddit post says the FDA classifies honey as raw meat; that’s so cursed
MOM: that doesn’t sound right
DAD: do you believe everything you read on social media?
ME: oh my god it doesn’t matter whether it’s true or not
DAD (irate): no, it’s misinformation, you can’t let it spread
MOM: …it says online it’s classified as a type of sugar
DAD: this is why it’s important to cite your sources
ME: you know what, I’m tired of treating “facts” as a moral imperative—
SISTER: I’m uh, going to the bathroom
ME: most people do not make decisions based on facts!!
MOM: that’s not true!
ME: …was that a fact or an extrapolation?
MOM: not all—
BOB EVANS WAITER: here’s the check i hope you have a lovely evening

ocarina of crime

Martin Luther King Jr. Was a Union Man - http://inthesetimes.com/working/entry/21692/martin_luther_king_jr_union_labor_racism_socialism/

omg Dutch people are little babies about spicy food

"spicy" should cause pain and suffering. I should be sniffling at a minimum, but ideally I would be crying uncontrollably

a little black pepper isn't gonna cut it y'all, c'mon

@c0debabe Even the guillotine had a ramp and a waist-height operating handle. ;)

If it's not accessible, it's not revolutionary. ✨

Let us take a moment to remember the most important Tweet of our lifetime

If there's anything natural element that looks like it's been made by an advanced alien civilization, it's crystallized bismuth.
Seriously - it's like the fairies that used to live in mushroom circles now live in a post-singularity society.