jk I'm all about that bread @danishcookies@computerfairi.es

i wanna hold a hand

a recent scientific study has proven that I am, in fact, a completely irredeemable and chaotic bastard

@probablynotbees seal: "Doesn't this weather just makes you wanna shove eels up my nose?"
scientist: "Please don't"

Live yoar dreams!!!!!!!!

hey y'all if you need a laugh read this article on how scientists are "gently pleading" for seals to "make better choices" bc they keep getting eels stuck up their noses
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2018/12/07/make-better-choices-endangered-hawaiian-monk-seals-keep-getting-eels-stuck-up-their-noses-scientists-want-them-stop/

person in car: toot
me: hello fellow mastodon user

@dankwraith @jzs42069
Man now I'm thinking about how tight it would be to start an organization that basically served as a prosthetic for this culture that's been lost. Kinda like the boy scouts but with nontoxic masculinity and community building instead of manifest-destiny patriotism and Christian Values™

I can toot ANYTHING

This week's theme is: Homestuck quotes I can use to debilitatingly burn the Mastodon community.

i literally love mastodon you guys are so neat

Tommorow is fingers in his ass Sunday

@danishcookies

> implying it isn't already

Tumblr is going down in flame. Grab your friends and just fucking run. Soon it's just gonna be full of Nazis and TERFs.

bröther may i have some tööts

@dankwraith @jzs42069
Pre-industrial: your maturity will be acknowledged through ceremony and your responsibilities to your community will be clearly stated and honored
Post-industrial: endless stagnant emotional adolescence combined with "you're never too young to make a mistake, and that's old enough to start a family"

#bongwatergang

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Formal introduction

me before mastodon: i'm coming to steal your tootbrushes

me after mastodon: i'm coming to steal your tootbrushes