jk I'm all about that bread @danishcookies@computerfairi.es

As a spokesperson of Baltimore, I just want ya'll to know that Nancy Pelosi is part of what I like to call "the worst generation of Baltimore" and I am very, very, sorry. The whites that fled to the surrounding counties in the 60-70's (and much further in Pelosi's case) are some of the most racist, conservative, fear-mongering people I know. If I hear one more person say "I know what it's like to be poor, I grew up in Baltimore City" I'm gonna scream.

@Ragdolly come on then, do it

guillotine me like i'm a dirty pig, daddy

Thanks to the destruction wreaked upon the planet by the capitalist class, our descendants may feel prostalgia for the Earth itself.

fuck you lookin at keep scrollin

@root Tingles all your holes AND your mind

mewtwo looks like a $900 vibrator.

hmm theres a small non corporate gym 10 minutes away by bike that is decently affordable and they give you a free personal training session when you get a monthly membership... maybe i'll do it

me when someone looks over my shoulder as i’m composing my next TOOT!

epic

dont fucking @ me if you dont butter your cereal 😤 😤

skadiddle skadoodle someone touch my noodle

sometimes you just unknowingly insult the president of iceland to his face

i hope the movie sonic has needle teeth

i...i know its gonna be porn but how can i NOT click with TAGS LIKE THESE

*loses at a video game*
*just starts violently screaming and ripping my clothes off down to the nude*

Me when I start the car and "shape of you" or "girls like you" is playing on the radio and I'm waiting for my bluetooth to hurry up and connect: