tanuki~ @heytanuki@computerfairi.es

@chuxen@queer.party no regrets personally!! but I'm a low-social person with a stable dayjob and I don't NEED burdsite

@chuxen@queer.party ggggggg, it's exactly those feelings that basically got me off twitter, I was afraid to do or say 90% of what I wanted to, for feeling so exposed.

2018: soft-ditched my 10-yr-old account, then ditched new account and birdsite, leaving not much of a link to masto. never been targeted 'cept for some lame lowkey harrassment, but I worried constantly. it's good to... not. as much.

@taakuun EXTREMELY POWERFUL ‼️

@daylight I never thought I'd get so fulfilled from just seeing a white heart emoji, hglahshdhf

@sylverfyre@queer.af yeah go for it!

opmg it was good and there was hecka good Gender Venting last night.

therapist: *draws a line from <male symbol> to <female symbol>* Where would you say you are along this line?

everyone: *avoids the line like the plague*

therapist: good

@Oneironott THE SPARKLES 💖💖💖💖💖

seriously, finding my way back to the Tanuki nature is great. instant calm.

it's what's for lunch! I'm having a lot of it!!!

my blood sugar medication ran out and being off it makes me jittery even though the effect is minimal at this point. I am about to get some lab work to see if I even need it anymore but this might be the last of it, it just takes a couple days to adjust to this

concentration levels = 🥄🥄/5
executive energy = 🥄/5
mood = -(🥄)
tanukiness = ★★★★★★★★

ok I just threw in that last line for fun but it's affirming and emboldening

@pandora_parrot @cee@beach.city omg this is so cool 💖💖💖

@tahajin how is doodling on it? (wow what a subjective questionnnn) I'm not expecting much, but I haven't played with a Note since the original and I found it painful, doodle-wise!

@AzureHusky thank you! it's really starting to affect me, being partially out, and it was such a private thing for a while.

but I'm good and ready! I'm talking over the throes of internalized transmisia (this stops me too often) with my therapist tomorrow, then getting everyone in the house and the D&D circle on the same page!

so i have a plan to eventually get something cool going on tanuk.io. but what if it was an activitypub-integrated posty thing? i could put writings and art and whatever on it. that could be cool.

@chuxen@queer.party <3333333

tbh, playing a little video playlist while falling asleep tonight, feels warmer and better already. thanks for being you.

monday was a Very Good Pronouns Day.

today was EUUUGHHH. i feel gross because i didn't stand up for myself. but i was in a room where i'm privately out to only half the people and the other half are cishet(-ish) guys, i was intimidated.

and i was thinking, where are my allies? they're waiting on me to say something, and i'm a sleep-deprived nuki blorp.

tomorrow: nonbinary support group meeting. let's PROCESS. bringing a cool ENBYFREN. it'll be GR8/8.

@AzureHusky these things are so interesting, and i know there's no "destination," no point to end up at, and not even a linear path in any sense. but if this makes you happy, i'm happy to support it!

i'll always think of you as a nonbinary woman, and whatever pieces of us lined up and brought your experience and a bit more confidence into my world, they're still present, no matter the pronouns. i'm grateful for that!

you. are. valid. ✨💙✨

if anyone is looking for a credible takedown of the cited ROGD study: https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2018/2/20/rapid-onset-gender-dysphoria-biased-junk-science

the tldr: participants were selected from sites that foster anti-trans viewpoints.

I've gotta stop being an angry enby and go be a productive enby. bleah.

@MadestMadness *offers all the hugs I have*

we too often feel wrong, and stuff like this only feeds the cycle preventing recovery. getting people to oppress themselves is the most insidious way to keep them down. information sets people free, and knowing good information (of which there is also tons on yt!) is key to stopping self-oppression.

thank you for being you!

it hurts to know that people will read this and go, "oh yeah, definitely true, look at the trend. there CAN'T be this many transes."

and one of them will say to someone, "you're not trans, you just saw a video and have a need to fit in and you think this is going to work. you need to take this seriously." and set their confidence and self-realization back by who knows how long. a month. a year. ten years.

I'm only angry because I fight myself more than anyone.