tanuki~ @heytanuki@computerfairi.es

ugh I hate to keep replying to myself, but this popping up in a news feed made me feel awful and invalid this morning. til I said, I know what I feel, and also the "research" in here is nil.

real research has data, it cites credible sources. the design of the only study the article cites is not mentioned.

there's total lack of empathy. it uses words like "transgenderism." it focuses on the young, & appeals to emotions with a thin veneer of vague logic.

the writer has detransitioned. that's valid, if someone feels they need to. but that's an anecdote and not a rule, and without empathy for subjective experiences we may not share, we are trapped by our own experience.

YouTube isn't a flawless source, but it was one of the places I found resonance and made peace with three decades of turbulence. my life is better. I'm 37, I'm not a kid.

the onset only looks rapid from the outside!

there's a bad article from thefederalist about the "social contagion" of ROGD. the writer claims to have read "tens of thousands" (how?) of media reports that back up a study on ROGD.

the findings written about are all "They learned it from YouTube!"

media reports are not science. media reports ABOUT science are oversimplified and narrow. anecdotes are not data.

listen to trans people. believe trans people.

ugh, this BS.

@Cr0wnless I will try to, thanks for the talk 💖

@chuxen@queer.party @coda I normally have a bignice comfy partner and I miss her so right now. (she's just out of town)

she also tells me to come to bed at reasonable times, which clashes with creative impulses. that wasn't the case last night though, that was all... intrusive thoughts.

thanks to y'all and others for being cool, i seriously was having multidimensional alonely thoughts. it's real nice to have people who relate, no matter what kinda stuff we're coming from or to 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

well, I did sleep 30 minutes and I'm at work now so

slumbern't

sleeping issues are queer culture

@chuxen@queer.party @coda omg just y'all commiserating is pretty great

i don't need sound but i need a little light (i have an ikea luriga raccoon) and also a bunch of obnoxiously picky things (no less than three pillows, no flat sheets, my own blankets), and for the windows to not be curtined because i'll worry all night about if the sun is rising

i have one roomie who does the dishes late at night and always apologizes about the noise if i'm sleeping downstairs, but i love the sound of it

@coda also you're sweet, kdjflksjdalkhg

@coda aaaaaa, same same same same same same aaaaaaaaaaa

like if i feel like i can't sprawl in a certain direction, or make a noise, or have a big plushie on one side of the bed, it's like

obsessive thoughts instead

@Oneironott i hope soooooo!!

lots of thoughts focused on alienation throughout life and missing out on... but wait, what would i have missed out on? there's infintesimal inclusion for people like me

but usually, i take this as a point of independence and pride, and i don't think that's changing. i have friends, i have support. it was just like, hey guess what, there's people that don't freak when presented with, like, ordinary marketing. or the smell of leather

@coda *offering so many hugs* i hope you're not in the same boat, but if so, i have judgment-free snacks and a couch that does its best <3

me: i would like to Sleep

brain: let's have a mindblowing personal epiphany

no: nooooooOOOOO

brain: trust me this is gonna be totally worth it at 6 am

me: that's in three hours

brain: ??? ????

my laptop hopefully says: hello this is a very dangerous person to society and you should definitely be friends with them

@chuxen@queer.party aw good! i like sharing my experiences because hopefully it helps people with how they react to unexpected questions

because getting any bit of resistance is like, “whoops my brain left, please do not take my stammering for lack of conviction here”

i had too much busywork to do and drawing but,

friendo #1 asked, “isn’t they/them dehumanizing?”

answer paraphrased: no, it’s a personal pronoun, that you use for a person. just because in the singular sense it can mean “an unknown person” or “person of unknown gender” doesn’t really remove the personhood of it.

maybe my “real” pronouns are yet to be discovered, sleeping in the earth, to be accidentally mined and ▣■▢/▣▢▓ is unleashed on the world

til then, there’s they/them, and i feel good!

okay so i re-came-out to a friend, because they just weren’t getting my pronouns, but after a meandering talk about social expectations and the background radiation of dysphoria, they got it.

hokay!

also another friend asked what i wanted to be called and i’m like “tanuki, they/them” and he’s like “but that’s your furry name?” and i’m like “it’s my name tho”

this friend got it too.

thanks world, you’re getting there!

@maple holy heck, i want to help. if i ko-fi in USD, does it handle the conversion properly? (i've only sent ko-fi to US people before)

hey i love this instance and i've had nothing but a good experience here.