I don’t want to die alone but also I don’t want a serious relationship because I am incapable of maintaining it so
@what eventually I ghost every friend I get because I perceive a pressure to maintain things that makes me uncomfortable and also I get bored of them
@what I am so jealous of ppl who have close and creative relationships with others
@what basically my whole life I’ve fantasized about having a creative partner in crime
@what one time I made a web game for a jam with a really cool game dev. He’s a cool and creative person and we had fun talking about ideas
@what how can I expect to find a creative partner or any kind if I don’t even have the motivation to make things anymore. Well being really isolated sure doesn’t help with motivation but whose fault is that. Mine duh. I mean there are a lot of factors obviously but I am responsible for myself!!!!
ramble
@what I was starting to fall away from the last person I was kind of close to and they basically asked me if I could ever be with them in a serious way and I just said no. So at least I’m honest I guess. I’m glad they asked me that though bc i had no idea how I was going to end it and they were bad to me and toxic
