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it took/it's taking a really long time to process that it's ok that i'm so different from everybody else. everyone i know loves competition, in games, in demos/musicmaking etc, and i just abhor it. it causes me great anxiety and pushes me out of neurotypical spaces
maybe it's not the healthiest way to go about this. but it's what's been keeping me alive without too much trauma and anxiety
it's lonely. it sucks. i can't share most other spaces because everything is competition-focused and i can't do that. but i'm trying to live better on my own & stop paying attention to other people to stop feeling jealous. mostly why i don't listen to a lot of friends' music