@bri_seven fitting in was never so much a goal as it is something i yearn for to be happy with myself

i'm a social creature. i've been left with nothing but my own devices for almost 3 decades. i want to be pestered. i want to be a part of something.

@bri_seven being adjacent but not part of groups and cliques and just sitting on the outside looking in triggers my rejection sensitivity heavily and i need to carefully curate my feed of most sources of that. which ends up in me isolating myself more, the irony is not lost on me, but it's how i've survived so far.

i don't know what i need exactly. but i know what i missing and i cry about it a lot

@bri_seven envy and rsd suck. i'll never be free of them and venting is the only solace i have

@mavica_again it’s been this way since i was 8. I am happier as a woman and that helps with being social, a lot. but I am convinced that “friend groups” or whatever are either a mythology, or something I probably don’t really wanna be a part of.

being queer means building your own space to be a part of.

@bri_seven as an objective baseline i'm happier as a woman too! i guess that's not what i meant.

and trust me i've been trying to build my own spaces for a very long time. i founded this instance 6 years ago.

@mavica_again you’re the regina george, her pathetic followers, or the lindsay lohan who just does a shit load of drugs, does gay, bees crimes, and hits the regina george with a bus.

I have made my choice

@bri_seven the reference is lost on me

@mavica_again you gotta go watch mean girls. consider it an essential part of womanhood

@bri_seven this is the othering part i meant

i suppose next you'll say i need catgirl programmer socks and a copy of the original c programming language reference

@mavica_again no, not as a marker, I’m serious. it’s actually based on a serious sociology book called “queen bees and wanna bees” that directly addresses your meloncholy about cliques

@mavica_again it is a movie about how to emotionally cope with the feeling of being othered by groups

@bri_seven shows how much i know, i thought it was a tv series.

i don't think i'll watch it. sorry i've had enough of being on the receiving side of it to watch a dramatization even if it has a deeper moral to it

@mavica_again suit yourself- it really helped me though! I now have a whole vocabulary for talking about these feelings of exclusion, and a whole alternative narrative that empowers me to feel completely fine about it

@bri_seven i'm glad and i'm not dismissing it without a note, but i assure you it will not help me especially presently

@mavica_again i won’t lie though, it will be triggering, so take your mood into account before watching

@bri_seven precisely

@mavica_again alternatively, Kick Ass 2 is actually a remake of mean girls, but the main character is an experienced martial artist who takes brutal revenge. less triggering.