gf broke up with me 2day, dont wanna give details but it wasnt anything bad. im just sitting here realizing that i put all my self worth in the hands of one person & now im trying not to fall apart. i dont wanna ring in 2018 by letting depression take hold of my life again, but it just really hurts

its tempting to just call myself a stupid unlovable piece of shit who nobody wants around. its so fucking tempting, especially thinking of other trans women who have happy long term relationships, or like, have had more than one fucking relationship in their life because theyre not antisocial dickwadsfhdjd just stop it i do not want to go down that fucking road

but what if i CANT ever be loved again? yknow it feels like an accident that i ever found myself in a relationship anyway, yknow how could someone with as little social skills as me actually attract somebody? i thought i had conquered that but in the span of about an hour i just backslid 20 miles all the way to where i started

im imagining myself doing what i did before, going out to meetups & concerts. but it was always someone else who approached me. *i* never took the risk, i never initiated anything because yknow why would anyone want me talking to them ew go away fuck off do not bother me. yknow i dont think i ever made progress to begin with. it was just a bandaid on the problem yknow id think "im shit, oh wait my gf loves me i guess im ok". who else do i have in my life????