@PsyChuan I think Gnome Remote Desktop is what you want. I haven't looked into it much but it does say it can do Remote Desktop while being headless.
@renbymon i award you the sticker of Only Helpful Linux Tech I Have Ever Met.
thank you.
@PsyChuan If you're happy to wait I'll spin up a VM tonight and see if there are any pitfalls re running it on a headless server.