Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

admitting you have fucked up is one of the most awful feelings in the entire world. it is not fun. it is not pleasant. it's stressful and harrowing. that is why it is so tempting to just never do it.

but it's also uniquely wonderful because there is always a second chance, or third, or fifteenth, or seven hundredth. you can fuck up and still do better. *always*. always!

and this is, i think, one of the most thrilling and beautiful things to ever do.

so don't deny yourself that, folks.

that sort of over the top public self-loathing, while declaring any attempts to change useless, is just one more beat in a cycle that this wigglytuff has been in far too many times.

i still love a comeback. i have to, given how i fuck up. but a redemption has got to start with accepting responsibility for your own actions and seeking to do better, yeah?

we all fuck up. but we can all do better. that's the thrilling bit. fucking up is terrifying. *but we can all do better.* ALL of us.

at the end of the day, i'm still a sucker for a redemption tale. it's my favourite kind of story in fictional media.

but so often online when i see that martyrdom play, it's not a redemption tale's start, but instead someone wanting to completely divorce themselves from all responsibility for themselves.

if you think every problem with yourself is immutable, of course it will never be fixed. in the end it's mostly people asking for permission for the next time.

anyway i think the moral of the tale is that the older i get, the more this wigglytuff just sees someone sobbing about how awful and unfixable and evil and bad forever they are, the more i am just likely to... not want to do that emotional labor

at some point that sort of public dramatics ends up a ploy, and no amount of soothing fluff is going to actually address the fundamental problem - of wanting to wholesale outsource emotional labor onto other people.

@quephird@mastodon.social the work isn't going to be pleasant, or easy, but it is worthwhile. and it's not something other people can do *for* you, it's something you must do yourself.

but step one is realizing it's work within your power to do, and not just "i am a monster whom nobody could ever love". go tell that voice of self-hatred that it is wrong, pick up some DBT self-help, read about trans people who wonderfully transitioned late in life, order a pretty dress tailored to you, and get in there to work.

@quephird@mastodon.social again, you're looking at this as immutable. as fate and destiny that cannot be changed.

and honestly, by complaining about it on mastodon, you're also making it everyone else's problem but yours.

do you really think you're the only trans person who's struggled with transitioning? or the only one who has transitioned later in life? or the only one who felt gross due to dysphoria? or the only one who kept being accidentally creepy?

fact is, this is shit you can work on. /shrug

@quephird@mastodon.social fair enough. have a good one.

@quephird@mastodon.social this ain't anything more than an excuse to get yourself out of the hard work of self-improvement, my friend.

if you go around sobbing radiohead's creep into the mic at every karaoke night, why are you surprised when nobody wants to buy you a beer?

if you believe being a creep is immutable and therefore you're trash and you say this to folks... why are you surprised when nobody is knocking down your door to come be friends?

fortunately, being a creep ISN'T immutable.

@quephird@mastodon.social knowing and doing are two different things. /shrug

it's going to take some work to pull yourself up out of the spiral. but once you're done going "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess i'll go eat worms!", well... you can do something about it.

you have trauma? great! find a counselor to work through it with. try DBT self-help.

you keep coming off as a creep? good news. the world is FULL of reformed creeps. time to get to work.

@quephird@mastodon.social honestly? you ain't special.

this may sting but it's actually quite freeing. if you stop viewing yourself as a uniquely hideous creature who will never be loved, well, you can accept that you are a person. and just like any other person, you can work on this shit. because you ain't the most very special doomed forever martyr. you're just a person.

so you can get to work, just like a person does.

@quephird@mastodon.social to be honest, it starts with "first step is going to be climbing down off that cross you've put yourself on there." second step is "after taking off the martyrdom blinders, realize that you are thinking of relationships as doomed hierarchies because you are making them so. if you believe winning these hierarchies is the only way to have friends, people are not going to be interested in being your friend because you believe friendship is winning and not, well, friendship."

@knifethievingcrow yeah! i'm sure that people have been hashing out that kinda thing and debating it endlessly. so no need for you to post yourself when you can just google something like "overwatch high graphics requirements" and probably pull up five billion results of nerds having slap-fights about it L M A O, then you can just skim those and go "hm, it seems like most people agree that you really want x and y to do this. i'll look for x and y!"

@knifethievingcrow honestly that's a completely valid way to look at it!

and if you have a laptop that plays overwatch really nicely, you'll *still* have something with enough beef and brawn to play a lot of other games too.

there ain't no shame at all in knowing what you want and buying what you want instead of like... over-buying, yknow? it's like you're looking at a sensible sedan for your daily commute in suburbia instead of a four wheel drive behemoth LOL

@knifethievingcrow honestly that's a good way to do it!

fortunately blizzard is pretty good at making games that you can run on, like, a toaster. and overwatch is also a game a whole lot of people play, so you'll be able to google and find where people on forums are like "i know these are the MINIMUM requirements, but what should i look for to ACTUALLY run the game and have it look nice?" and people taco bout that very thing and give input on it

@knifethievingcrow honestly it can be intimidating as fuq trying to figure this shit out because it's jargon, like, all the way down LOL, so i can totally explain some of what i actually mean when i say stuff like "you want a dedicated gpu" if you'd like! you can also poke around people's reviews and usually at least one will talk about stuff like "i can run x game on y settings" to kinda give you an idea of where it's at tbh

@knifethievingcrow ok to be fair to you i am Oan The Nyquil and words are Complicated LOL

i can explain a bit instead of tossing just endless got dam jargon at your head if you'd like lol!

i am super super excited that the bb cream i got seems like it hasn't made my face hate me, AND ACTUALLY MATCHES MY SKIN TONE which is near-impossible because my skin thinks the color yellow is fake news

a few pimples this morning but honestly given that they're only on like the tip of my nose... i do keep blowing gunk out of my nose constantly into kleenex and that'd probably be enough irritation for my super sensitive skin lol

@knockout i think it's something other people do, but i think multiple accounts are mostly for the organizational type of thing. so it's probably doable as long as you have a system to easily communicate to people which post is in which category ^0^

"where did i put my drink," local wigglytuff asks herself, while holding her drink in one hand,

today's episode title: Harp and the Amazing Technicolor Nasal Discharge