Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

[large=2x][spin]FUCK YEAH MOTHERFUCKERS[/spin][/large]

you know what game we REALLY need on the switch?

recettear

me: wrow why do i feel crummy

my body, with a temperature of 101.9: yeah that's a fucken mystery that will never be solved for sure buddy

light therapy lamp pros: does genuinely seem to improve mood, helps keep me on day schedule a bit

light therapy lamp cons: Oh My God My Keyboard Is Filthy

i should maybe learn to contour someday but honestly i have the round face of a chubby victorian cherub so i really don't think any amount of bronzer is going to magically fix that

@knifethievingcrow oh man confirmation that i can never acquire this object because i WILL lick it and i WILL be SAD but WITH A COLORFUL TONGUE

yeah it's gotta go up there with switch game cartridges because everyone says taste bad but HOW bad..........

@knifethievingcrow this is the number one reason i haven't gotten any of the scented palletes from like too faced or w/e because i know it would only be a matter of time before i licked the eyeshadow and was very sad it didn't actually taste like peach

anyway, that's enough horrible ranting, and i'm sorry for all of those words. max strength decongestant + regular adhd med + nyquil = (hamlet voice) WORDS, WORDS, WORDS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eecBodRWME (man i really need to watch that version all the way thru, kenneth branagh makes such a gr8 hamlet)

don't worry folks you're going to be spared further blather soon by me going and decorating my house in conan exiles, because A BARBARIAN CRAVES CURTAINS AND A CUTE BREAKFAST NOOK

admitting you have fucked up is one of the most awful feelings in the entire world. it is not fun. it is not pleasant. it's stressful and harrowing. that is why it is so tempting to just never do it.

but it's also uniquely wonderful because there is always a second chance, or third, or fifteenth, or seven hundredth. you can fuck up and still do better. *always*. always!

and this is, i think, one of the most thrilling and beautiful things to ever do.

so don't deny yourself that, folks.

that sort of over the top public self-loathing, while declaring any attempts to change useless, is just one more beat in a cycle that this wigglytuff has been in far too many times.

i still love a comeback. i have to, given how i fuck up. but a redemption has got to start with accepting responsibility for your own actions and seeking to do better, yeah?

we all fuck up. but we can all do better. that's the thrilling bit. fucking up is terrifying. *but we can all do better.* ALL of us.

at the end of the day, i'm still a sucker for a redemption tale. it's my favourite kind of story in fictional media.

but so often online when i see that martyrdom play, it's not a redemption tale's start, but instead someone wanting to completely divorce themselves from all responsibility for themselves.

if you think every problem with yourself is immutable, of course it will never be fixed. in the end it's mostly people asking for permission for the next time.

anyway i think the moral of the tale is that the older i get, the more this wigglytuff just sees someone sobbing about how awful and unfixable and evil and bad forever they are, the more i am just likely to... not want to do that emotional labor

at some point that sort of public dramatics ends up a ploy, and no amount of soothing fluff is going to actually address the fundamental problem - of wanting to wholesale outsource emotional labor onto other people.

@quephird@mastodon.social the work isn't going to be pleasant, or easy, but it is worthwhile. and it's not something other people can do *for* you, it's something you must do yourself.

but step one is realizing it's work within your power to do, and not just "i am a monster whom nobody could ever love". go tell that voice of self-hatred that it is wrong, pick up some DBT self-help, read about trans people who wonderfully transitioned late in life, order a pretty dress tailored to you, and get in there to work.

@quephird@mastodon.social again, you're looking at this as immutable. as fate and destiny that cannot be changed.

and honestly, by complaining about it on mastodon, you're also making it everyone else's problem but yours.

do you really think you're the only trans person who's struggled with transitioning? or the only one who has transitioned later in life? or the only one who felt gross due to dysphoria? or the only one who kept being accidentally creepy?

fact is, this is shit you can work on. /shrug

@quephird@mastodon.social fair enough. have a good one.

@quephird@mastodon.social this ain't anything more than an excuse to get yourself out of the hard work of self-improvement, my friend.

if you go around sobbing radiohead's creep into the mic at every karaoke night, why are you surprised when nobody wants to buy you a beer?

if you believe being a creep is immutable and therefore you're trash and you say this to folks... why are you surprised when nobody is knocking down your door to come be friends?

fortunately, being a creep ISN'T immutable.

@quephird@mastodon.social knowing and doing are two different things. /shrug

it's going to take some work to pull yourself up out of the spiral. but once you're done going "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess i'll go eat worms!", well... you can do something about it.

you have trauma? great! find a counselor to work through it with. try DBT self-help.

you keep coming off as a creep? good news. the world is FULL of reformed creeps. time to get to work.

@quephird@mastodon.social honestly? you ain't special.

this may sting but it's actually quite freeing. if you stop viewing yourself as a uniquely hideous creature who will never be loved, well, you can accept that you are a person. and just like any other person, you can work on this shit. because you ain't the most very special doomed forever martyr. you're just a person.

so you can get to work, just like a person does.

@quephird@mastodon.social to be honest, it starts with "first step is going to be climbing down off that cross you've put yourself on there." second step is "after taking off the martyrdom blinders, realize that you are thinking of relationships as doomed hierarchies because you are making them so. if you believe winning these hierarchies is the only way to have friends, people are not going to be interested in being your friend because you believe friendship is winning and not, well, friendship."