Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

don't you internal server error me you sonnovagun, i have a joke to land

FUCK now i want green bean casserole.

@boisdevache@guineapig.party listen

listen

as a member of the mayonnaise people

he is far too good to be put in cream of mushroom soup.

we need that unsullied for our sacred green bean casseroles

i guess there's only one solution and he's actually emphatically telling us 'eat the rich'.

as much as i would rather not live through a period of history that has a byline like "the terror" in history books, well, if that's what it all seems crashing towards....

....we can honor the inspiration at least. so y'all think a modified coq au vin recipe would work best for him or what

https://www.wsbtv.com/news/trending-now/commerce-secretary-says-he-doesnt-understand-why-furloughed-workers-are-turning-to-food-banks/909376204?utm_source=homestream&utm_medium=site_navigation&utm_campaign=homestream_click

headline: Commerce Secretary says he doesn't understand why furloughed workers are turning to food banks

me: ....ok does the entire trump administration have a guillotine fetish? at the VERY least, can this motherfucker serve some Versailles-level aesthetic looks before he goes in all 'let them eat cake'

@legendaryjoeb IT'S ILLUMINAUGHTY ALL THE WAY DOWN [FROWNS IN TEMPLAR]

i mean look at this. this is clearly some illuminaughty nonsense in here too

oh and now i've kept going.

it's not a subway. it's an underground test facility developed by an evil corporation.

.....

i am expecting "soandso corp, AN OROCHI SUBSIDIARY" to pop up at ANY point now.

humans were wiped out by some sort of filth-based disaster, lilith probably did it, it's canon now y'all, #splatoon is actually all a sequel to #thesecretworld / #secretworldlegends , I KNEW IT,

so i finally got the octo expansion for #splatoon2 and y'know.. derelict subway station.... i'm getting a little bit of deja vu...........

...............listen captain cuttlefish, i'm just saying, if i hear "it's all shut down, everything, kaidan-cho, from the park to orochi tower" I'M OUT, I KNOW HOW THIS ENDS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUXmblG8_BE

hey gang it's time for more extremely niche jokes

someone in a friend's comments got huffy with me and described it as "dystopian".

nah, dude, it's not dystopian to have some white boys face the music for their shitty decisions.

nor is it ruining their educations. private school is a luxury product. catholic private school is a luxury product that comes with a strict terms of service. denying someone a luxury product is not a death sentence here folks, and it is not an unjust punishment.

like c'mon. we were also rich bitches, majority of us white, and all of us knew that If When Representing The School We Pulled Some Shit It Would Not End Well For Us.

and we were told that emphatically. explicitly.

idk why people are shocked that - when representing the school mind you, "on the clock" - their actions might lead to expulsion.

and AS STUDENTS, WE WERE ALL AWARE OF THIS, TOO

yeah we were a bunch of rich bitches but like. in 6th grade we did a field trip to washington DC. middle school! the time when everyone expects you to act like a fucked up piece of bad decisions!!!!

and we STILL all got a lecture before going into the holocaust museum about how IF ANYONE ACTED OUT, THEY WOULD BE CAUGHT, THEY WOULD FACE SOME HARSH FUCKING CONSEQUENCES.

we knew it in MIDDLE SCHOOL!!

why are there so many people crying that the catholic high schoolers would be horribly oppressed by facing expulsion for their actions

listen

listen.

i went to a private school, ok? a NON-RELIGIOUS private school, even, so there was a lot less about strict ethical and moral standards

if i had acted like THAT

MY ASS WOULD HAVE BEEN GRASS

SO HARD. SO FAST.

I WOULD HAVE BEEN YEET'D OUTTA THERE SO QUICKLY, I'D BE CAUGHT ON CAMERA AS A UFO.

my dog is expressing her disappointment with me not giving her cookies by getting a bite of kibble, marching into the den, and staring at me while she crunches it all LOOK. LOOK AT WHAT DEPTHS YOU HAVE PLUNGED ME TO

my dog is giving me the stink-eye for having the AUDACITY to try and THROW her NEW FAVOURITE TOY (erik the red squirrel. very squeaky, with crinkly tail) into the HALLWAY (which is EVIL and FORBIDDEN) and NOT GIVING HER ALL MY COOKIES AFTER

@aldersprig Winston "Mongoose" Jones

p.s. you never said it had to be a GOOD name