Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

@Alyx i think they may have been hard candies which makes me sad because really for that you need the little bubbles that go pop in an extremely satisfying manner

it does look hella good though

@Zero_Democracy i'm "strawberry chronic hellpain" and i think it's pretty fuckin' good as far as names go honestly

listen, if nintendo don't want me to speculate on just how fish-like zora get in botw up to and including "babe i wanna eat your roe so bad when you drop your eggs after i make you cum so hard", they SHOULD have EXPLAINED more thoroughly at the time!!!

however with the advent of gooigi i'm fairly certain they all know what they're doing. i'm on to you nintendo

@Alyx i make no apologies for this because the cws were there

but to celebrate, would you like a slice of this amusingly sushi-shaped cake

no problem it's fine it's just 2am and i'm looking up pictures of extracting salmon roe from a live salmon to explain the previously-written-on-here terrible terrible lewd thing i considered earlier

this is a good and proper thing to do, yes

party hard

"and it's very selfish of me i know but i mean, don't get me wrong, link's cum is tasty as well, but sometimes it really is nice to get a little energy back by eating some roe, you know? it's just a lot, y'know, fattier, instead of more watery, and i know you get more protein with that but for a balanced diet for proper gains -"

"SIDON. SIDON. I LOVE YOU. BUT I'M GOING TO NEED YOU TO HOLD THE FUCK UP *SIGNIFICANTLY*"

"wh...h...."

"i don't mean to put too much pressure on you!! i know it's one of those things where sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't, but i know it might be i'm just not doing something correctly, or maybe not making you relaxed enough, or..."

"h.... w...h............."

"zelda are you awake"

"mmh yeah, what's up sidon" "do... i satisfy you?"

"what"

"i mean, like, sexually. you can be honest! i won't get angry about it at all!"

"...s-sidon i mean i would think all the enthusiastic yelling that i've made my stance clear"

"it's just, well, every time we've had sex, you've not dropped ANY roe! and i know we haven't been in a mating pool at all, but still..."

some people????? write several bajillion words on a microblogging site in one disgusting conga line of posts????? to cope????????????

/is this meme dead yet
//what is dead may never die

@Kaypar@snouts.online she tried to get a cool one for awhile, and then tried to get people to just use her regular name it's fine urrghghgh, but she's so chat-happy that unfortunately she now has the codename

Heylisten

@InspectorCaracal i have never communicated an idea with any brevity in my entire life and i have the english degree to prove it

(prince sidon, standing in front of his girlfriend princess zelda having a screaming mental breakdown, as well as his boyfriend champion link having a screaming mental breakdown of a totally unique and different type) NOTHING TO SEE HERE, PLEASE DISPERSE, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpKmJCLSIQk

anyway that was a whole lot of words i wrote instead of actually outlining the proper BotW fic idea kicking around in my head, so, y'know, it's fine

at this point i may be outlining it in memes

(link voice) since i cannot know for certain when i die, thus when i am going to be in my middle age, i've decided to just have an ongoing crisis

when he walks back to his ship, shore leave done, the company mascot from a billboard looming over him has red-hot eyes.

this time he is not afraid of it in the least.

"will you be our link to this?"

"will you be our Link?"

"Link?"

suddenly he remembers the name he is called in all the dreams. suddenly they all slide into place. suddenly it all aligns in a perfect constellation.

he has done this before. of course he has. so many times. it repeats - rhymes -

there is a princess.

there is a master sword.

there is an evil to be sealed away with the master sword's powers.

...he says yes.

she looks at the master script datastick longingly. "it only responds to certain biometric signatures, or else i would simply take it. but, as it is..." she lets out a small sigh before nailing him in with another hard look.

"there's only a few certain people that have a connection to be able to use this. and there's only a few people who are in the GC military force, close enough to access crucial servers and resources to hack those relays. so..."

"ah, right." the stripper still clad in body-paint and glitter rolls her eyes. "she cops that attitude a lot. it's why her codename is Princess."

she asks to see the letter opener - the master script. she nods approvingly after a moment of inspecting it, and hands it back to him. is it true that he is under contract with the military wing of Ginpower Consolidated?

he nods yes. words - words are still far too much. it's hard to even meet her intense blue-green gaze.

the leader is in paramilitary fatigues, but she's still one of the most beautiful women he's ever seen. her long blonde hair is still worn loose and long, flowing out behind her. it's a paradoxical contrast, but one she seems to embrace.

"this is who we're looking for?" she looks him up and down, dissecting him with a glare. he doesn't answer; he knows he has no chance of being able to speak.

"yeah, zee, he's-" "all he needs to know about me is my codename."