Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

i have pretty much just been wandering up to people all today like an exciteable toddler and babbling at them as they listen patiently even though they have no clue about the cascade of words issuing forth from me

thank you all for being good sports and answering the banana when i tell you it's ringing and the call is for you

most important for me is that it's a pretty liquidy lotion.

this means it works PERFECTLY if you get one of those lotion rollers for reaching your back or other hard-to-stretch-to areas. it is literally the perfect consistency for this. it doesn't glop, it doesn't get too runny, it's just exactly where you want it right out of the bottle.

if your friend is fussing about getting old, give them some Two Old Goats and a lotion roller as a bday gift. they'll thank you... someday, LOL

the full herbal lineup is:
almond oil, lavender, chamomile, rosemary, peppermint, eucalyptus and birch bark.

it's not actually cooling/mentholated as you might think. it's just a nice cream.

the birch bark is i think the ingredient that Does Something, since birch bark - like willow bark - has a precursor of the med we now know as aspirin in it, and you can extract that from those barks and process it on down.

also it doesn't leave you a fucking grease slick which i appreciate.

is it going to completely cure your fibro pain? nope.

however, it's really nice to have around when you're hitting the "i pushed it a tad too hard today, i have some sore muscles". it's not a complete fix and honestly you should be suspicious of ANYTHING that claims to be. but it does nicely muffle pain screams.

it's not vegan as it uses goat milk in the lotion. it also contains birch bark, which is probably the ingredient that Does Something, but be careful if you have an aspirin allergy.

even tho i'm basically half the #spoonie tag, i wanted to make sure i'd rec'd on here for #chronicpain folks the One Lotion I Found That Does Something - Two Old Goats Essential Oil Lotion.

this isn't a super miracle cure. however it's quite good at turning muscle soreness down a few fucking notches. it absorbs quickly as well and isn't greasy.

it doesn't smell obnoxious - not super menthol 'old person' - just like you've stuck your head in a herb garden, in a fairly gender-neutral way.

@Sapphicgiraffic@snouts.online i'll tell y'all how it is! i found a slightly cheaper source through a friend that's having good luck with a brand/supply

i think it's basically going to be the only way i could wear fake eyelashes, which would be fuckin baller for lolita fashion

(also bc i have some bald spots from rogue eyelashes that i honestly would love to cover)

facebook ad: these three women were tired of NON-INCLUSIVE SWIMSUITS and CREATED THEIR OWN LINE!

the ad: shows 3 white blonde women who are all of similar height, build, and comfortably a US size 8, who could probably pose as sisters if not triplets with a bit of work

me: ...... *gingerly presses X to doubt*

sometimes it's strange which emojis i miss from discord, even though i use them very rarely

it's just that "hmm" and " *ffxiv autotranslate arrow L* Hmmmm. *ffxiv autotranslate arrow R* " are two VERY distinct, separate moods

and next up on Harp's Forays Into Dubious Beauty And Personal Care

i have cbd balm

i have cbd oil droplets

i have the really nice lotion that actually does something, without any cbd in it

.....i'm just gonna add some cbd drops to the lotion and smear it on myself and see what do

@Sapphicgiraffic@snouts.online the main complaint i've seen is people saying that they aren't super hardy compared to eyelash glue that can get to "is this just fuckin epoxy" levels, and that the cheaper crap versions of the eyeliner can end up not sticking very well to the skin, and then you just end up with... the eyeliner flaking off and your eyelashes becoming unmoored as it were

the magnets also make them a bit heavy but i'm ok with that given the tradeoffs of No Fuckin Glue and Reusable

@Sapphicgiraffic@snouts.online the quality of the eyeliner varies wildly, apparently a few small companies nailed it and now there's a lot of crap copycats happening

ofc you don't want to be using that shit on your waterline, but i hate eyeliner in my waterline anyway, so there ya go

you paint on the eyeliner, let it dry, then stick the magnetic eyelashes to it. really, REALLY appealing to Me, Shakyhands McDisabled, since you don't have to rush with lash glue and you can touch up as much as you like.

@Sapphicgiraffic@snouts.online yeah!

the idea is that you use it with magnetic eyelashes

magnetic reusable eyelashes already exist, but mostly as a top and bottom that you then snap together around your existing eyelashes. they get pretty heavy and easily end up pinching your eyelid

and i for one can't fucking figure out how to get them on

HOWEVER

magnetic eyeliner is also for using with magnetic eyelashes (the one-piece type), you paint it on and then it... magnetically sticks to that

my brain: hhhgghhh don't wanna do thing and order more cbd balm for shoulder hhhhhhh

me: okay what if

me: what if after we do that ordering chore, we also order some magnetic eyeliner and eyelashes

my brain: ..........this is acceptable

wait hold on i know, here's the Real Reason You Shouldn't Trust My Judgement About Literature:

despite absolutely adoring Pratchett and enjoying the stories from Gaiman i've seen adapted, every time i try to read Good Omens i don't get very far because, although people rave about it and love it, i just mostly get the feeling that it's two good authors cancelling each other out and leaving tepid mush instead of brilliant fireworks happening.

note i am vehemently not saying to not teach Austen books, because they're extremely important historically and she's a fantastic pioneer of a woman author

i'm just saying that i personally would rather eat Pride and Prejudice with sausage gravy than read it. please don't make me. i did my time. i got out. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO BACK, MAN

i feel much the same way about the writings and speeches of Virginia Woolfe just to continue my Bad Feminist Terrible Literature Opinions C-C-C-Combo there

but to continue my having Bad Book Opinions

i would rather eat an Austen novel with gravy than have to read another one, the Wheel of Time series is like trying to grate your own face off with a ped-egg, and Snow Crash is a delightful book right up until you hit the brick fucking wall of babylonian mythology at which point it chucks all of your enjoyment out the window and takes a knife to all your car tires.

i'm gonna say that i'm otherwise a bad judge of "what books would be interesting to kids in school to read" because, as you may have guessed from my love of overly long sentences, i actually get along quite well with victoriana and so paddled my way cheerfully through dickens while other people were constantly distracted on pure technical merits

also i found The Golden Compass, assigned for summer reading one year, to just be... incredibly tiresome on many levels

@eightbitsamurai@elekk.xyz @BestGirlGrace god yeah.

i actually really think young adult lit is great for getting kids invested in the very ideas and used to seeing them. none of the series i can think of are exactly fucking subtle about it, which makes it a lot easier to spot and point out the concept on many levels.

i mean it's not like you can fucking miss the "so, let's talk about how sometimes in western lit a character is supposed to represent Jesus Christ" when it's Aslan all over narnia

@Sapphicgiraffic@snouts.online all i can think about is an episode of the newest star trek that my mom is keeping up with and how after watching it she had to come to me all "i know you'll understand this, but let me tell you how bad this evil astrology episode was."